Cedars

I loved when we had the guest speaker from Cedars Home come talk to our class. I thought our discussion with him was great. His lecture and his enthusiasm and concern from adolescents in our community really was inspiring. I have learned from this class that there are many things that I have no idea about in Lincoln. I didn't know people slept under bridges, I thought they always had a place to stay in a homeless shelter. This is not the case at all. I am trying to get a job with Cedars being a Visitation Worker, or any other position. I work with an outreach ministry with youth in Lincoln, but would also like to work with Cedars. Chris inspired me and he is the reason I applied for a job at Cedars.

Last reflections

As a few of you have said, after watching those movie clips from Antoin Fischer on Thursday I too want to go out and rent the movie. Our Family Science final is my last final so maybe I'll go out and rent it after that:) I didn't think about it until one of you brought it up but I don't think we went far enough into the whole working with families topic, especially because I'm sure there are a bunch of people in our class who will be doing just that. The class seemed kind of rushed...we didn't even get through the 4th aspect of Effective Interpersonal Support (he said there are four but we only got through listening, understanding and support) I do wonder now what the 4th aspect is. I also thought it was interesting how Dr. Hollist emphasized that as a professional, you're supposed to help people find answers adn learn to process and deal with their own problems rather than just telling them how to fix them. I think the Antoin Fischer movie clips did a good job of showing that and I'm excited to watch the whole movie and see how things play out. That is also something to think about even when just talking with my friends about their problems. I can't believe this is the end of this class! It was one of the best classes I've taken in college (and I've been here 3 years - and 3 to go with my new major, family and consumer science education and I am super excited to take more classes like this and learn more about the things we discussed in this class.) I feel that this class has not just helped me in my professional development but also just in my development as a person!

This class has been a lot of fun and I will truly miss it! I enjoyed the movie we watched on Thursday! Does anyone know the name of the movie? I would really like to rent it and watch the rest of it! :) Good luck to everyone on the final and have a great summer!!

Extra Blog

This is my extra blog for this class. I enjoyed our last class for the most part. However, I feel like we mainly learned what NOT to say to people, instead of what you should say. A lot of the common responses are things I say to my friends and family when they have problems. I get that we shouldn't just tell someone everything will be okay when something traumatic just happened. I feel we should have covered more ways to respond to people than just learning everything we shouldn't do. The movie clip we watched made me want to go rent that movie. It made me realize how hard it would be to be a psychologist. It would be difficult to listen to people's problems and not just tell them what you think they should do. They need to come to the conclusion for themselves. Overall, i enjoyed this class and would recommend it to my peers.

Last Blog

Last blog YA!! Class on Thursday we watched the video clips. I thought that this class was interesting because we had an example by watching the movie. It gave so much more insight on how to effective talk to people to be able to have an example and not just being told. The movie also seems really interesting. I think I might have to watch it! Class altogether this year has been fun. I think that I learned a lot from taking it.

I don't know but I think this will be my last!

Well Monday is our Final which I am preparing for right now. I'm only on Essay question #1 and hopefully will get through all for 4 this afternoon. Anyway, Good luck to anyone and if you ever have a thought you would like to talk about send me an email. seantrinity@yahoo.com

What I have learned..

This class had helped me look at all my relationships in a new light. It has also made me look at people situations differently and not just assume you know what's going on in their life. Communication is one major piece I will take with me. Communication affects EVERY relationship from you and your parents, to friends and boyfriends.. everything. It is not what you are say it is how you are saying it! The toilet seat being left up is not the problem, it is how that arguement gets carried out. This would be a great class for all college students to take. I did not learn a bunch of facts and statistics, but I learned things that will benifit every aspect of my life!

I'll be honest, Chris, our guest speaker from the Street Outreach Services at Cedars on Tuesday, was quite intimidating to me, with his very loud voice and his tatoos and everything. I shouldn't stereotype but that's just honestly how I felt. I wasn't intimidated by his message, I could handle all the stuff about meth and picking and all that, although it was even more than I've seen on even CSI and NCIS (two of my favorite television shows). I thought it was awesome how Chris said he goes and eats lunch at the Matt Talbot Kitchen frequently and that's how he gets into contact with people so he can talk with them and get them help if they want it. I think he can definitly relate to them more than most of us because he said he's been there, done that (gotten in trouble with the law for drugs and/or alcohol and had run ins with the police, been to AA, etc.) It made me wonder if someone who hasn't been in similar situations could ever do a job like Chris's. I think it would be really hard to do his job, in general, but even harder if you hadn't had some of your own personal experiences in the area. I don't know if people would be as likely to listen to what he had to say and to open up to him about their problems. I just don't know.

Time to get this last blog in!

Well unfortunately I think that I have dropped the ball on this whole blog thing! Between work, family and school and to many distractions, I didn't get much out of blogging. I think I would have if I would have had more time and attention to put toward it. Maybe I will retry it this summer on a regular basis. Although my old roomate (who lives in Toyko) hooked me up on facebook. I vowed to stay off until the rest of the semester but have been contacted several times by old friends. Now what? Blog or Facebook?

Cedars Speaker

Today the man from Cedars came and spoke about the youth in this area. I knew a lot about this already because of where I am currently employed. My office works closely with Cedars but with a different branch than what we talked about. I think that the most interesting part of the whole discussion for me was when he showed the pictures of where some teens were living here in Lincoln. The girl that was living in a hole in the middle of winter with no coat! I can't imagine. I also think that it is important to think about what he was talking about because some people think that people choose to be poor. While this may be true for a FEW people in this world with the economy the way it is and seeing that these are teens with no shelter we need to think about what we can do to help them.

Adoption

The Steven Curtis Chapman music video that we watched in class really got me thinking. I have known for a long time that I want to adopt when the time is right. I want to adopt one child and have a few of my own. I think it will be a huge challenge in my life and my husband's life, but I know that it is what is right and what I want to do. I want to provide a loving and safe home for a child that would have no chance of a life like that. There are so many families in America that have the money and right family for adoption, but people think it is too hard. I think that is selfish almost to only have your own kids when there are millions of starving, homeless, neglected, abused kids in our world already.

Family Economy

Just looking through my notes the idea of Family Economy struck me. It is not about money but the resources one has and how they use them. I feel that my family has an incredible amount of resources and we are finally really going to start putting them to good use. The biggest thing I thought of was how my mom and I both know how to sew but usually the only time during the year we do any major sewing (other than all the mending) is to make like a dress or something to enter in the county fair. Both of us now really want to make a bunch of skirts and stuff to wear this summer. We will have to buy the fabric but overall it will be much cheaper to make than to buy. Our pantry is nearly always full, even during the "pancake and pasta" months of January and February as my mom calls them (because my dad works in construction and those are the really slow months where not a lot of income is coming in). We always have food (resources) we just need to be a little more creative in combining things to make meals and not be so picky. We also have a wood stove in our garage which we use to heat it in the winter - and since my dad works construction we don't have to go buy wood or chop down trees, my dad just brings home wood scraps from the jobsite. These are just a few examples of family economy for me. I really do have a ton of resources, I just need to think about what they all are and how I can use them to the fullest.

Abuse

One of the main reasons i llove working with children is because of a foster sister i had. Her story of abuse and neglect influenced my decision to become a children's psychologist. I have now changed my major to early childhood ed, but i still feel that i will be able to help kids that need it. That song concrete angel really makes you think...how can ppl ignore all the pain that is right in front of their faces. Its hard to imagine what kind of person could abuse their children, but i think it even harder to understand why ppl dont want to get involved in saving a child from abuse. I hope that i can make a difference in children's lives and if the occasion ever arises i have no doubt that i will do everything i can to stop a child from being abused.

Good Morning America Special

This week on Good Morning America they are doing lots of things revolved around the economy. Tuesday morning I was watching and they were showing a special on couples who have been affected by the downfall. One couple has been forced to live in seperate cities because of their situation. The husband got a new job in a new city and bought a house to live there while his wife stayed behind to sell their old house. She hasn't been able to sell the house or find a new job in her husband's city therefore the couple has been forced to live seperatly for 2 years now.
This reminded me of our discussion in class over how the economy has influenced each of us. I'm sorry if any of your familes have been affected in a negative way and I hope you can get through it.

Let Go, Let God.

So on tuesday we talked in part about money and how conflicts start and why money seems to have such a power over relationships. I mean, it's something so many couples argue over and over about. But as we got deeper, we began talking about process, not content. So what's the process? Well, in understanding the process, the idea of how money has different meanings had to be discussed. This was where I really gained insight - not only about how to understand where conflicts can occur, but why it's so important to trust Jesus Christ in everything.
The last meaning or purpose for money was control. People want a lot of money to be able to control their lives, do things they want to do when they want to do it and how they want to do it. This applies to many areas of life and how we strive for control because it gives us a sense of power. Then it hit me, God has been teaching me a ton about giving Him complete control over money and therefore strengthening my trust in Him and His promise to provide for my life. You see, I learned last class just how opposite our human nature to want control is and our trust in Jesus. He has ultimate control, He has a perfect plan, He is Worthy of my complete dependence, trust, and reliance on Him. I then happened to read this verse the next morning that said, "man cannot live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." Deuteronomy 8. And it was so cool to see God work becasue without Him, we have no live or meaning or true satisfaction.

I also got to share this with my mom because my family has been struggling a lot since the economy and since my dad got back from Afghanistan and jobs got shifted. It was encouraging for my mom and I to talk about different meanings of money but how there's no need to worry because Jesus has complete control. There's comfort in that. So all in all, we can let go our worries because He cares, and we can let God :)

My Family

Today in class everyone shared about their families and how things have changed for them during this hard time in our economy. I thought that it was really interesting to hear other people's stories but it was also very sad to think about it. My family has been affected also. My family was just getting to the point where we were "financially stable". We live in a very small community on a farm. We have a lot of animals and my parents used to farm but started within the last 2 years renting out all of our farm ground. My dad works full time at a really great job that he loves and my mom also has a decent job. I have 4 younger siblings that are adopted with special needs. My parents have been waiting for the day when my mom could quit her job and stay home to help the girls more. This day came last year, she told her office she would not be coming back for 2009. We soon found out though that this was no longer going to happen. With the economy my dad has taken back all of the farm ground to farm himself and my mother did not end up quiting her job. This is also causing a lot of tension between my parents. My mom hates that my dad has to go to work all day and then work in the fields until 1 or 2 in the morning. Neither of them are home for my younger sisters and they hate having to do this but it's the only way to make ends meet for a while. Hopefully soon everything will go back to normal. Although my family is hurting I know there are other people that are affected so much more by this and my heart goes out to them.

My weekly post

I have been so busy that I have no idea where I am at with blogging. I think that I have done pretty well keeping up, but after being informed of the extra blogging that will count toward our grades, I had better keep busy!

Spring Fever

This weather makes me want to skip class and sit outside all day! But, I would never ditch class, right? ;) This is my favorite time of year. I love the rain, the tulips and that classes are almost out. Hope everyone did well on the test. Have a lovely day.

Communication and Intimacy

So, I got a cool opportunity to talk to a friend about his relationship with another one of my friends. The girl was totally shielded from him when they were considered "dating" so they broke up. But, then when they were apart she could totally talk to him as a friend and be close again. So, he was so confused and asked for some insight. And I got to talk about how the key to intimacy is communication - not just this physical attraction and attention. So, they need to be able to communicate in a healthy way. Then, I talked with him about identity and not going in to a relationship not knowing yourself - maybe she doesn't want to be in a relationship because she isn't ready and doesn't want to go in the relationship with baggage but with a clear identity. This will enable her to be able to communicate effectively and help the other person. Also, committment, a piece of family strengths, can be something that people are afraid of or just not ready for. It's easier to have no committments, but when one wants to enter a relationship, committment is not a feeling, it's not meant to be easy, but it's a choice. So, overall, it's ok to wait, let time play this out and let God grow each person seperately in their identity and when the timing is right for the relationship, they will be better prepared to fully committ equally and in a healthy way, building eachother up!

Family Interview

I am excited to get our papers back from our family interview! I thought it would be difficult to write 5 pages but when I was writing it and just kept going and going then looked at the page number I was at and I was already over the 5 pages. I had to then cut some out. This never happens to me, I usually have to push the last few pages out of me to get through it. Well, I hope you all did well on this assignment!

Assignment

I'm really worried about how I did on the family interview assignment. I spent a lot of time on it though so I am hoping for the best! Good luck to everyone else on theirs!

Autonomy!

So last class we talked about children's play and their growing development towards autonomy and independence. They want to try things on their own, not be filled with shame and self-doubt. They are, not even realizing it, finding their identity and parents and others have a huge role in molding that. Well, as I was listening I was thinking about my soccer team that I coach. I wanted to find ways that I can increase their autonomy and self-worth at soccer practice. So, yesterday, I asked them to make decisions (one of the ways we talked about that can help) about what drills or games we wanted to do. I gave them a choice in rewards - if one team won, what's the reward? They would decide and feel like they took part in a decision. I also had different girls model the drills - which they got super excited about and felt confident! It was so fun to see!

Processes

My sister and I are really close. Growing up she was always the one to give me advice. Now, things are a little different. Her and her boyfriend break up almost every weekend when they are drinking. It is getting a little old and starting to make a bad routine. She comes to me for advice now. I told her to focus on the process of the argument and not the content. I explained everything to her, and she says she understands and it makes complete sense. It has been awhile now, and I haven't had to talk to my sister about this again. She says things are getting better! I feel like a therapist already!!

Processes

My sister continues to ask for my help almost every weekend. Her boyfriend breaks up with her almost every weekend when they go to the bars. It is obvious that alcohol is the main issue here because they have a good relationship but he just can't handle his alcohol. I talk to her a lot about how to not focus on the content of their arguments but the process. They drink he gets upset, he breaks up with her, she gets mad and confused, and he leaves town for the weekend or atleast for a day. He runs away from his problems all the time. It makes my sister really upset. I told her that if they are arguing about the same this which is nothing, focus on the process of the arguments. She took my advice and says it is helping. I feel like a therapist already!!

Preference vs. Principle

This class discussion reminded me of the movie with Adam Sandler, Big Daddy. That was an extreme example of preference vs. principle. He let the kid he was taking care of, wear anything he wanted. He also allowed the child to change his name to Frankenstein. He knew that letting the kid wear what he wanted, would make him happy and allow him to learn to dress himself. He didn't care what strangers on the street thought when they saw the child. I'm sure we have all seen this in our daily life. Young girls often go to the grocerie store with their parents wearing princess dresses and crowns. Some times you have to just the your kids learn on their own how to dress and accept their clothing choices. This is all part of the learning process. When they go to preschool and see other children wearing regular clothes, or their pants on the right way, they will be learning naturally.

Telling is NOT teaching!

I know that if we comment on someone else's post it counts as a post but I am going to do my own posting as well.

I was in total approval when the phrase "Telling is not teaching" came up in class on Tuesday. I think that it is not only true for teaching little kids but that it still applies today! I am mostly talking about all those big lecture classes that we all have to take at LEAST one of in college. Everything in those classes goes in and goes right back out after the tests and final and it is because all the class is is the professor telling us tons of information and not directly applying it. They are telling, and telling is not teaching! Our class is a lecture class but I feel like I am actually learning things because we are able to see real life examples and video clips and shout out examples of things in class. We are not just sitting there listening to the professor talking. We are interacting and we have things like the family interview assignment which allows us to directly apply and talk about the things we are learning in class.

So, in conclusion, the fact that telling is not teaching applies not only to young children but all through life!

Siblings

I thought a lot about when we talked about younger siblings or younger children mimicking older people. My little sisters are always trying to be like me. It used to drive me crazy but now I think it's super cute. Just this weekend when I was home I was wearing sunglasses outside and when I came back in I slid them up onto the top of my head. I didn't even realize what I had done until 2 of my little sisters came upstairs with their little sunglasses placed on their heads like mine. I also noticed the other day when my family came up to Lincoln to go shopping. They all got swimsuits because they have to go stay in a hotel soon, but my mom didn't want them to have bikinis so they all used the excuse "but Becky has one!" I was also thinking about how we talked about what we wanted to be when we grew up and I just thought I would add that I always wanted to be a aviarian (bird doctor as I called it) until everyone in middle school started making fun of me. I was/am an animal lover but I also love children so I'm happy where I'm at but can't help but wonder if I would have stuck with it if I wasn't made fun of?!

Required Blog

I think I missed the last week or two of my blog. Please accept my apology's! Sean

beginning to parents and children chapter

...first of all I'm a little bit concerned about the 'pop quizzes'. Haha Apparently there are supposed to be 5 and we've only had 2. So if your not comin to class-do b/c they have to come up soon!!
I think the section we are starting on parents and children is going to be my favorites. I'm an inclusive major so I love everything to do with kids. I guess I've never really thought of other reasons to have children except to start a family and simply because you love children. I thought it was interesting to hear the other opinions too.
It was also really interesting to think about the changes that children bring that we discussed. The family I interviewed told me about their changes once they had children. The dad admitted that once he looked at his little girl he wanted to jump out the window because he was so scared to bring her into this world. It's crazy to think that now they have a great relationship and how far they have come from that. This just showed me that it's different for every family and sometimes you don't know how you're going to take it. His wife also said that they were so excited and they both believed that they were prepared and when she looked her little girl in the eyes she was so full of joy. So I think it's hard to say what parents will experience because it's never the same-some are scared to death and others are nothing but happy.
Good luck to everyone on completing their interview assignment!!

This class has made me look at all the relationships differently. I have recently reconnected with my old best friend. I realized the main flaw in our relationship was our lack of communication. After sending a few emails back and forth, we came to the same conclusion that with a little work, our friendship could be good as new. Now, we tell each other everything, even the things that are difficult to share. Every relationship need honest communication. That does not mean telling the other person every thought that comes into your head. It means being able to share and discuss things that are important parts of your life.

Baseball Bash!

On Tuesday I was in the locker room and some girls were really upset. They were excited to get together with some guys on the baseball team to go hit baseballs in the batting cages. When I asked them why they were to fired up to go hit balls, they said, "it's the best way to get rid of your anger! Anytime you just need to let it all out, go just smash some baseballs!" Then, the other girl preceeded to say, "it feels so good to just let it all out!" While I don't think they were as upset as they seemed to joke about, they did seem pretty confident that letting all your anger out is solving the problem....that was until I laughingly told them that it's actually a myth - it's actually dangerous. Then we all had a good laugh because I think it made sense to them. As we learned in class, letting out anger is not the way to solve a conflict, but rather figuring out the process within the conflict and quickly resolving the issue. Letting out anger only temporarily feels good but the deeper issue is still stewing and building up, waiting for another opportunity for blowout.

I was reading over the notes and thinking about the class discussion about the Dance of Anger. I found it interesting because I have seen the 'styles' and the societal influence on arguments I have had with my friends, family, boyfriend, and other people's arguments. I can pick out a friend that I have for each 'style of dance'. I know my friends very well and so of course I know how they react to an argument and anger. I also know how I react. I know there are healthy ways to express anger, but controlling it can be hard when you are in an argument with another very angry person. It seems like everything escalates. So when you get to the point where the Dance of Anger comes in, i feel sometimes a person may resort to more than one style. I have felt like a Pursuer when I 'just wanted to talk about things', or also a distancer when I need a break from that person and just can't listen to them talk anymore. I'm sure I have been a blamer, I'm only human. I believe anger is a difficult emotion to deal with, especially when two people are angry at each other at the same time. Things can get messy, and you might not want to deal with it anymore. But, I think the best way to diffuse the anger is to step back from the situation and get back to reality, remember why you are angry and try to fix the problem. One must also be reasonable, and as calm as possible. At the same time, this is always easier said than done.

another encounter with process vs. content

I had another first hand encounter with process vs. content just the other day, as well as with conflict in marriage. My parents were fighting and my mom was later letting off some steam from the situation to me and I found out that the "Learner's style of dance" that one of the styles my dad seems to practice is the Blamers style. You see, my parents are self-employed. My dad does most of the physical work and my mom does most of the desk work. However, my dad has to write down the things that he does, record them in a log book, so that my mom can put them into the computer and send out the billing statements and such. But many times things get lost in translation and my dad blames my mom for a mistake on a billing statement when in reality it is mostly his mistake because he is the one who wrote the information down in the first place. And that is what a lot of their fights are about, but they focus on the content, the mistake made on a billing statement, instead of the process, of how things got lost in translation and how maybe a different system needs to be implemented. I hope that I will be able to apply what I have learned in this class in my own relationships and not fall into the bad habits of my parents. I am so thankful for all of these child, youth and family classes I have been taking because I think they will help me to have better relationships, a better marriage someday and raise my children well. So thanks:)

Exam

I also did not miss a class and I thought this exam was maybe a little more difficult then the last. I hope I did well though. I had a few items that I was completely clueless on also. So again I hope for the best. I'm ready for summer! I have so much to do in the last month though I'm trying to just get by one day at a time and not procrastinate too much. Hope everyone's last month goes smoothly!

Exam 2

Hello everyone,

How did the exam go for all of you? I thought it went pretty good but there were still a few questions that i didn't catch in class. I didn't even miss a day this section and there were still some topics listed that i didn't have a clue about. I also struggled with the essay question. It seemed like when i got to the essay portion my mind went blank for some reason. I hope i still did o.k. I was really hoping that they would of picked the essay question on the love triangle. I'm pretty sure i would of nailed that one but oh well ya get what ya get.

So is everyone ready for the end of the semester? I sure am. I still think that this past three months has gone so fast. I am ready to take into account everything i have learned this semester and apply it more than what i am doing now since i am so so busy with school. It seems like there is no time left over after writing papers and reading textbooks, and taking exams. I have been in school off and on for six years almost seven years now and i am getting so burned out. I am ready to graduate and get on with a new phase of my life. I want to go to work and be done by six and not have to worry about staying up all night and having to study for an exam and write a paper all in one night.

Well hope everyone did really well on the test.

Abby Tille

Hey everyone! Just thought I would say that I felt yesterday's test was easier than our first test (just my opinion). I really am enjoying this class tremendously and would highly recommend my friends to take this class as an elective. The topics we are covering I feel will benefit my relationships with others in the future. Well...I hope everyone's week is going well. :)

Current Crisis in life

Well I think that I'm working on getting at least caught up with my school work. I think I may have missed a week on blogging. We have this test on Tuesday and I have not read much material, actually I have only 3 chapters read. I haven't even looked at the essay questions, but I do have my rough draft of the family interview done.

My plan of attack this weekend is to finish all the reading material, retype my class notes and answer the essay questions. Sounds simple right? Well I think it will take a lot of preparation! I'm stressed about it but I think I will be able to get it done no problem.

My other class is too damanding and that class is being put off this weekend so that I can prep for Tuesday's test. So I am blogging another irrelevant blog this week. I sure hope that I can get real and blog about the reality of my life someday, because I love listening in class and I learn so much that answers a lot of my life's questions. I sure wish I had more time. Anyway I'm out! Sean+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A little late.

This post is a little late. I've been trying to keep my head on straight between breaking up with my boyfriend of 3 years (who I lived with), moving apartments and starting a new job. It has been a hectic few weeks. Now everything is resolved and I'm moving into my one bedroom apartment in less than a month! I doubt I will ever have roommates again. I'm not going to go into detail about my living situation drama. But I will share what I have learned from this. People change. Sometimes people change for the better and a lot of times, people change and grow apart. Living with someone you are close with, puts a whole new spin on your relationship. It can pull best friends apart and ruin relationship. Do not take moving in with someone lightly. It seems to me, the best situations are when the roommates are just acquaintances. That way, they don't hang out a ton and get on eachothers nerves. However, that's just my oppinion.

more class overlap

So I was up until 6 this morning writing a paper for another class so I apologize if none of what I'm about to say makes sense or if there isn't much intellectual material in what I'm about to say.

I've recently had another experience with material in my classes overlapping, particularly this class and my Intro. to Women and Gender class. This week we have been talking about families, their structure and function and how things are different and most of the time, more difficult, for families with homosexual parents. And on Friday we will be talking about a "marriage/partnership contract" that we all have to fill out. It is basically asking questions of you and your partner (or in my case my idea partner since I do not have a boyfriend) about power and gendered duties in a relationship. The questions pertain to the division of household labor, finances, family size, religion, last name, divorce and then a final assessment of the relationship. It will be quite interesting to discuss in class on Friday and for me to go through and answer the questions as to what the division of such tasks and the answers to decisoins with my "ideal spouse" will be. I think it will be good for me because I have my standards but some of these things are not things I have thought about, so I am sure that my list of "standards" will grow as I do this exercise.

I hope that all pertains to Family Science in some way or another. I am just surprised that I stayed awake long enough to type all of this!

Decisions in Marriage

I also thought that class Tuesday was very interesting. I think that it really hit home for me because I am in a serious relationship at this time. My boyfriend and I have been talking about religion lately which is a hard topic for us. I was born catholic and my family left the church when I was very young. We were the first from our very popular 'catholic name' to leave the church and there were many hard feelings. Now that I am older and have been involved with both churches I do not believe that I could go back to the catholic faith. Don't get me wrong I am christian but not catholic. My boyfriend is catholic but he does not feel strongly about his religion. He doesn't go to church regularly and doesn't take it what I would consider seriously. So it has caused a lot of conflict in our relationship at this time when considering marriage etc. We somewhat touched on religion and how it fits into the sources of influence but I could also relate on other levels to this discussion. I think that any relationship has its conflicts but it's how you deal with those conflicts. I am someone who puts myself up for conflicts and arguing doesn't bother me. My parents argued when I was growing up but they always got through it and it was constructive, they never yelled or were violent. My boyfriend on the other hand, his parents are divorced, mother is happily remarried and his father has since had another divorce and several unhappy relationships. So he doesn't like to argue in any way.

Control Freaks

Class on tuesday was really interesting and gave a lot of insight in to not only marriage relationships, but any relationship. One of the big things that underlines the decision making is one person wanting to gain control, they want to win, it's about competing. If only us humans wouldn't allow pride to take over our lives and submit to eachother, the focus would be on building eachother up instead of trying to build yourself up and pushing the other person down. Being humble also frees both people from being manipulated by eachother to get something out of the other person. I've noticed times in my life where I will be talking with my parents or even friends and instead of letting go and admitting I'm wrong or don't know, the conversation turns to an argument in me wanting to gain control and still sound credible and not humiliated. I've seen this sometimes in my family. My mom is more apt to have to be right, and so instead of admitting something wrong to my dad or a mistake, she will work so hard to be right when nothing about the problem is being solved, or it has already been answered. When couples try not to gain control it not only solves the actual problem or decision, but it also frees eachother of the stress or having to argue and work at being right.

my experience with influence

I think Tuesday's discussion was very interesting. I felt I really connected with this lecture because it seemed totally relevant to what I am currently going through in my relationship. I have recently noticed and become aware of the principle of least interest. And how much it works, sad to say. But I say that having been on the short end of the stick as well. I always end up caring "too much" in a relationship and it I feel that it ends up being my downfall. In the past, when I showed how much I cared/expressed all my feelings, that other person has used that to their advantage, because they know I care "x" amount, and used it against me. In addition, that person also knew they could use coercive influence on me, saying if I don't do this, or stop doing this, then they wouldn't do that, or they would break up with me, etc. Which then put me in a deeper whole because they had all that power over me. Then it comes to a point where you're fed up with it. You decide your not going to take that treatment from them anymore (of course after failing time and time again to leave that person), but you finally stand up for yourself and they are speechless because they know they dont want you to leave. You now have the power... And the roles are reversed. It is unfortunate that the relationship is turned into a game like that, because feelings get too involved and someone, if not both, end up hurt... Just my experience...

Influence lecture

I found class to be very interesting today. I guess once you have learned about healthy and destructive influence you really don't know you are doing something unhealthy. i use coercive influence all the time but it seems to be healthy and normal to us. For example if you do this for me i will do this for you. or better said if you don't do this particular thing then i won't do for you. I'm not just talking about sex but sometimes that does come up. Also, in my relationship we have a really balanced influence on just about everything. We try to share most of the power in all areas but one of us is sometimes better equipped to handle a certain situation than the other and we know and accept that. One thing that seems to come up in our relationship quite often is that one of us is very passive and the other is aggressive so probably since i am aggressive and he is passive, i kinda make a decision before he even has a chance to put in his input. sometimes it sparks a diagreement but mostly i think that he doesn't like the responsibilty of decision making anyway.

Decisions Decisions Decisions

I thought today's (Tues) topic over decisions in marriage was fantastic. I have never really looked at making decisions from this perspective and after talking and learning about it-I think it's something pretty important to know especially going into a relationship where your're going to be making very important decisions. Atleast for me, that's how it was. I'm just so happy I'm taking this class right at this time because it seems so revelant in my life, and the things we learn are actually things that are preparing me for my future-no matter what I end up doing. I can see the bases of influence all over my life with different people. I don't know about you, but in my life the people who tend to use legitimate, coercive, and expert influence are the males. I think this might go back to the gender roles. Like we talked about, guys seem to be more problem solvers and like to take control. Girls tend to be the ones who will give up something out of love or respect, or who like to compromise and use the reward influence. This isn't a bad thing and it is not the same for everyone, but this is what I see in my life and experiences.
Another thing I found interesting was the difference between assertiveness and aggressivness. This opened my eyes because I have always thought of myself as someone who is assertive and doesn't let people walk all over them or use them. I stand up for myself and won't back down if it's something I feel strongly about. What I realized was sometimes I might be agressive in doing this. Some of the things he mentioned about saying "end of story," or "that's just how it is going to be no questions asked" are things I could picture myself saying in a situtation I felt strongly about. Now, you wouldn't catch me throwing something out of anger or physically hurting someone so I think this 'agressive' concept is hard to grasp. He says it all goes back to wanting to be in control of the situation, but I think that's kind of human nature-to want things your way. I don't know...any other thoughts?

boxes vs. ball of wire brains analogy

I really enjoyed the humorous video clip we watched about the difference between mens' and womens' brains, the boxes vs. ball of wire theory. I've actually heard this theory before except that it was waffle brains vs. spaghetti brains. It really struck me how, as a woman, my brain functions as a ball of wire because the other day absolutely everything seemed to be running through my brain and I felt like I had just had a very large amount of caffiene when in fact I hadn't had any at all. And when I think back on how I've thought about things at different times in my life I definitly connect things in a manner that no man I know would ever think to connect things. I really just think the whole analogy is rather interesting. I wrote down the Web Site where you can order the whole DVD of the guy's workshops and I may just have to look into that for a good laugh, and possibly to show my parents too because I totally accused my dad of having pulled out his "nothing box" the other day:)

more ppl shld take this class

I wish that my boyfriend wld of taken this class...maybe he cld learn a thing or two about communicating. We learned that men are solution oriented but my boyfriend seems to be more ignore it oriented. When he or i has a problem his motto is to just let it go, stop worrying, everything will be fine, instead of talking it out or trying to fix the issue.
He will avoid an uncomfortable conversation at all costs. Is this common for men or is it just his particular personality? I for one hate avoiding issues, i like to take them head on and get the problem solved and over with. I hate ignoring something when it know something can be done about it. I think that if ppl dont communicate through problems they are only making them worse by leaving them stew.
I think this class is good just to take for life experience not just for a major. I am seriously gonna recommend this class to anyone i know looking for somthing to fill their schedule. If more ppl took this class and actually learned the lessons we go over I think a lot of ppl would be better off.

Men, Women and Communication

The lecture on communication was very informative. It made me think about the way the men in my life communicate. If I call my father with any problem, all he wants to do is fix it. Men see problems and think "This is the problem, this is what you need to do to fix it". That is one thing I love my father for. Then there is my mother. She is one of my best friends who I can talk to whenever I have a problem. She helps me talk through the issues and gets more into the emotional aspect of it. I recently came to find out, my parents had a very hard time communicating. My dad would try to fix the problems when all my mom wanted was someone to talk to about it. Communication can be learned. My parents went on a weekend retreat focused on helping marriages. They both came away with a different view on communication. If men and women were more informed on the differences in their communication patterns, maybe they would be more understanding of the opposite sex.

3/12/09 Blog on Communication

I thought that the conversations that we had in class about communication were really interesting. I thought that when we were talking about the different ways that males and females communicate was funny. I can so relate to all of that and I think that everyone can! I grew up in a really small town (there were 10 girls in my class). I have never gotten along very well with any girls so I always hung out with the guys in my class. I always got along great with them but I formed a really close bond with my mom and sister. I think/know that I did this because I needed a girl to talk to about those things that guys just don't understand. Now being far from home I call my mom at least 3 times a day, but it's not the same. I'm just not getting my interaction with other girls as much as I need and I think I'm taking it out on my boyfriend. Although he is adapting very well I think he gets annoyed with the fact that I tend to tell him about some of those things that only a girl would really care about. I just thought that the gender differences that we went over in class are right on. When guys communicate it is so different then communication with girls. Don't get me wrong I love hanging out and being with my boyfriend and all the guys but I just need my time every once and while with girls!

Cannot NOT Communicate!

So, in class while talking about communication and it's effectiveness and importance and ways to keep healthy communication in relationships, I thought of my roommates and soccer team. (I know this isn't boyfriend/girlfriend type, but it still applies and can help in future relationships). So, with my roommates, sometimes we don't confront eachother on issues, and then there becomes void, a cut off of communication - in other words, a giant elephant in the room that we are trying to hard to ignore and doesn't go away. And even in times that we would send messages, whether through body language or words, it wasn't always the message recieved. We know when the other person really means what they say or if they really care. So, I just wanted to see if you guys have experienced this with your roommates, or boyfriend or girlfriend. To get through this is to talk through it and get on the same page - there cannon be no communication and a relationship to remail healthy. I also have noticed this on my soccer team. When one person does bad or get physically exhausted, the communication shuts off completely - hurthing the whole team. Well, it's kind of the same in relationships. There needs to be communication, getting out of yourself to think about others, and create meaningful relationships.

Sean's Blog #8? 3/11/09

I don't know about the rest of you but I find the class very interesting. This is not a long blog, just a quick note that says I've done my blog for the week. Thanks, Sean.

communication lecture

Hello everyone,

I thought the lecture on communication today was very interesting. I guess i knew the basic of communication but never even thought of the level that it can reach. Like i knew that we communicate with our infants by holding them and touching them and they communicate with us by crying to tell us what they want. I have learned with my own children that they have a certain cry for certain needs they need met. They would whine when they were tired or would have a high pitched cry if they were in pain or if they were sick. And i became to know these crys very well after a while so that i wouldn't have to play the guessing game. Anyway again i thought todays lecture was very interesting!

Communication

I really enjoyed today's class over communication. It happened to be pretty appropriate timing because I had just been arguing about the stuff we talked about with my boyfriend before class. As soon as we started talking about the gender roles I had to smile because either God is funny or it was complete coincidence. Although the characteristics of each gender were solely patterns, I have seen them to be nothing but true. I am the connection and relationship oriented and affiliative type and at times I can be the solution oriented type. I see that with my mom, my sister, and my girl friends too. We are out to 'feel good'. Whether it be about ourselves or pleasing others, we try our best to connect, create bonds, and relate to other people. My dad, boyfriend, and guy friends are all the opposite. That doesn't mean they can't have relationships or be sympathetic, they just tend to be more action/solution searching and have that competitive side. I think this is where a lot of the misunderstanding and butting heads comes in. Because I communicate more from my heart, I look for that from my boyfriend-and because he communicates more with his head, he looks for that in me. Neither one of us has taken the time to think-well that's just how it is and that's okay. We both think that one side is better, just like in the Raymond clip, and that's how it should be. I think this discussion opened my mind, especially hearing it from a male, to see that either way is just how it is, just like other ways we are different, we have to accept the differentiating communication.

The Purpose of Engagement

I have really been enjoying our last few lectures because they apply to life, right now, at this age, and in the next few years to come. Dating, Mate Selection, Engagement and Marriage are things I will (hopefully) be confronting in the next 3-4 years and lots of my friends are confronting engagement and marriage right now. It's crazy how many weddings I have to go to this summer! (I think the count is up to between 8 and 10 so far). So, they are all in the period of engagement right now. I have seen a couple situations in the past couple of years though where things haven't worked out so well, and a lot of it was because the engagement was almost all strictly based around the "event" of the wedding itself and not the life-long commitment of marriage. For those reasons I really enjoyed the quote Dr. Hollist mentioned from his grandfather I believe, who said that Marriage is the process, not the event, or something like that. It, once again, brought up the process factor that we have been reiterating through this whole class. I highly agree with it because when I talk to my parents about marriage and relationships or here talks on dating and such, they are always mentioning how there are many sacrifices involved with marriage and dating and many times people don't realize this. They only look at the roses and kisses side of things and don't think about the thorns or the slobber associated with those (I'm trying to make a metaphor here). And this process/event theory is something that does not only apply to marriage but life in general. I'm sure most of us have heard somewhere along the line that there has to be pain and suffering so there can be joy and happiness. And this is all a part of the process of life. It's something I think about, whether consciously or subconsciously, nearly every day. And lastly, another metaphor that goes along with all this that I recently heard from a friend, and that is the "roller coaster" metaphor. It basically says that life is like a roller coaster and when you're at the top you have to remember how it feels at the bottom and when you're at the bottom you have to remember how it feels at the top. I really like that metaphor and the one from Dr. Hollist's grandfather - life is made up of a series of events but it's the process in between where life really happens. Okay, lots of metaphors this time, but I hope that all made sense. It makes sense to me and I am definitly learning from it all....the process that is:)

Dating

I thought the lecture on dating was interesting. It is weird that the aspects of dating are actually studied. When I think about dating, whether it be my personal dating life or that of others, I usually don't think of Sternberg's Love Triangle or the theories of attraction. But after hearing them I realized there is a lot of truth to them and I can think of examples for many of these theories in my real life. Like the idea of propinquity, I can relate to that. The more time I spent around this guy the more I felt attracted to him. Now I know why. Also the idea of similarity and attractiveness seems pretty obvious so I was not surprised to see that as part of the list. I must have interests in common with someone to be attracted to them, I'm not saying we have to like all the same things but it makes someone more attractive when they are into the same music, sports, movies as I am. Also I have seen Sternberg's Love Triangle play out in my friends relationships and in my own. It is interesting to pick out real life examples and know that there is some sort of theory to back it all up and put an explanation with it.

Dog = Future?

So, last time in class - tuesday - we talked about singleness and the "games" that are played and deciding which ones were constructive and which ones were destructive. Well, didn't really think about this, but one person talked about how one of the games is when one person gets the other person a dog. She also talked about how this can be a test in how each person will handle and treat future childre. I kind of laughed at the idea - I mean, how does getting the other person an animal shift committment or test the other person about their future together? Well, one of my good friend's boyfriend got her a dog recently. They have been dating for a long time, and so I talked to her about how this changed her perspective on the relationship. I was actually blown away because my friend said she'd thought a lot about being a mother. How she gets so frustrated with the dog, sometimes just ignores the little guy and tells it to shut up. She is a good "parent" to the dog, but those little instances make her scared to be a parent! I never would have thought that. I would say most of the time it would be a constructive intimacy game, depending on the couple and the motive behind the action. If the animal is simply a gift and the intention is not out of insecurity or testing and proving love, it can be constructive. What do you guys think?

family Science

Hey everyone,

I posted last night and totally didn't proof read my comments. I got back into the account today and read what i wrote last night. I'm really not an idiot. I guess that is what happens when you are tired. Anyway i was wondering if anyone has any suggestions on the genogram project. Since i was sick and hospitalized i was givin the opportunity to make that assignment up. I really appreciate out proffessor because he is one of the only ones who is being so nice. Most of the others just think that i was skipping out on them even though i have documentation. I am so glad i took this class because it is helping understand my own family. Not just my life as a child but also the familly that my husband and i are raising right now. I would say that myself and my husband are completely uninfluenced by our upbringing. I came from a home where there was a ton of love but a ton of neglect too. My parents worked so hard to make a nice living for my siblings and i. We always knew they loved us but were not around so much to show it. I remember only one family vacation and i was four years old. My parents always wanted to take us but could never find the time since they owned several of their own buisnesses. We always had what we wanted but i guess i needed a little more supervision. I met my husband when we were just thirteen years old. We are twenty five now and have rarely spent a day apart. We had our first child when we were seventeen and our second followed five years later. He is the best dad in the world. He takes care of everything when i fall short because of my illness. I always have had some really good months where i feel o.k. but eventually i know my body won't hand in there for long. I think it is a good idea for everyone to take a class like family science so learn what their patterns are in their own families and if they need change then they have the tools to do so. My favorite lecture was the one on family strengths. That was an uplifting lecture because i saw a few things that i do right. I also learned that most of time you are a product of your invironment. Not always, sometimes it is possible to change things. Well anyway i look forward to hearing from you guys. Take care.

I feel very very lost

Hi everyone,

Wow i feel so losted in class right now. I just go back after missing three weeks of class. On Monday Feb. 9 i had to get on an airplane and fly to Indianapolis because i was in a chronic pancreatitis attack. I was immediately admitted into the hospial. I was there laying in a hospital bed for fourteen days straight. I was so stressed out the whole time because of school. I knew i was missing so much and was not sure if i could get caught up. Its a working progress i guess. The whole time i was there i wasn't worried about the four surguries in four days i was worried about school. Anyway today was my first day back and i wasn't to impressed with todays lecture. I think Dr. Hollist is an awsome educator and really enjoy listening to him. I suppose we have to learn the boring basics before we can understand what he is teaching before we go back into a more interesting subject. i did however find it very interesting how most of us test our significant others and husbands. After he that slide came up i noticed how much of that i do and i conluded it was a lot. Well hope all of you are well and that school is going good for you. Have a great week.

Sean's blog #7

It seems to me that we could have discussed physicological abuse as well. I think that is one area that we should have discussed more. Did anyone else feel lost in yesterdays class? Just wondering? Sean

forgot about blog

I totally forgot about blog until right now sitting in class.. but I just thought I would comment on the chart from last week. It was amazing but really scary. 

self-concept and the cup theory

On Tuesday when we were talking about the single life, specifically the section on self, it really struck a chord with me when it was said that "it's much easier to improve our self-concept when we're single." I already knew this, but it just gave me the extra boost I need right now because that's what I'm trying to do in my own life right now. I already have a pretty positive self-concept but there's always things one can improve on. Little things that make a make a good person great. Like right now I'm trying to work on developing a deeper spiritual life because life in general, but especially my spiritual life, has been a roller coaster in college. I always stay close to my faith and always stick to my morals, values and beliefs but I want to be more active in applying these things to my life. A friend of mine was the one who told me of the roller coaster analogy and the biggest part of it is that "when you're at the bottom you have to remember how it feels at the top and when you're at the top you have to remember how it feels at the bottom." This has definitly helped me perservere in a few situations lately.

After talking about and reflecting on improving one's self-concept, one of the comments at the end of class was about the "cup theory": if both people in a relationship are only half full, then you will spend all of your time trying to fill each other up, but one of you will always be empty!

I think this definitly directly relates to self-concept. It shows that when you are single you NEED to work on bettering yourself so that when you do meet "the one" you are both ready to give your whole selves to the other while still being full yourself. And relationships aren't the only thing the cup theory can apply to. I know from personal experience. Last year I was a Bible study leader and this year I'm not. I would have loved to continue to lead my group of girls in growing in their faith but I figured out that I was pouring myself into these young women and trying to help them grow in, deepen and strengthen their faith and get excited about it, so much that I wasn't spending enough time continually filling myself so that I could pour out to the girls in my study. I was channeling out all that I had so much that my personal basin was running dry.

This class is teaching me so much about the basic things and structures in my life and I am really enjoying it because of that fact:)

My family roles

My family has rather destinct roles. We are composed of Mother, Father and four sisters. My parents are still married. My parents have somewhat stereotypical roles. My mother makes supper and ran a daycare from our house when we were young and my father would work 8 to 5 every weekday. With everyone moved out of the house now, both my parents work full time jobs. My dad is very caring and compashionate. I'm the youngest child, and I am treated like it. All my sisters look out for me constantly. Even though I am 20, I will always be the baby. I get away with alot more than my other sisters did. My family has two middle children, Katie and Jeri. They are both emotional and very connected to my mother. My oldest sister, Angie is more connected to my father. Angie is the protector. She looks over everyone and makes sure we are all informed on the the news of the family. Jeri is the affectionate one. She gives the most hugs and always says "I love you" before we get off the phone. Katie is troubled and emotional. She is moody but still very affectionate. If anyone is likely to get upset on vacation, it's her. I'm the baby and the comic. My family has many inside jokes and I fuel them. We are a rather sarcastic family, but that works for us. Now you know my family structure and roles.

Juvenile

This is rather personal, my family is very close and mean a lot to me, but I will share because this is important. My little brother is 13 years old. He has been my "little baby" because he's seven years younger than me and I mostly helped raise him growing up. He has grown up so much in the past few years when he went to middle school and now is taller than me! I'm not very tall so that's not saying much for him but still, it is crazy. He's been a wonderful brother and son, going to church with the family, never talking back to my parents, always being helpful and nice to others, etc. Since he's been in 8th grade things have taken a 180. He has been getting bad grades all year. My parents have never gone through any of this with my sister or I and therefore do not know how to handle my brother. They have done everything in their power to help him and work with him in school. I thought my parents were doing a wonderful job understanding him and not coming down too hard on him but also giving fair reasonable punishments. His grades started improving and he made it look like he was doing good in classes and everything. I came home from class today and soon after my brother and mom walked in the door. They both looked really upset. I then found out my brother had tried to shoplift at a store with his friend. My world just tumbled around me. I was so disappointed in my brother. I thought that I had a good relationship with him and that I knew mostly everything about him. Today I realized things are changing and I don't know him as well as I used to. I don't know why he did it, he didn't say why really, just said he did it for the "rush". I guess I wanted to share this because a lot of what we are learning in our class, can be applied to some of us every day with our families and lives. I was able to help my parents communicate with my brother today and I think it went fairly well. I am excited to learn more about rebellion and families and developement.

Starbucks Quotes!

Hey you guys! So, I totally read this quote on my tea at starbucks the other day and it said, "Success in families is measured by how much the children want to return home after they leave." (it is actually kinda different but I already mailed it to my parents!) but I just thought it was neat leaving this class and then getting what our society determines as success and how these messages affect others. And as I thought about it, I really like that. It does show the type and strength of a relationship a person has with their parents by them wanting to be with them and around them! Now, it does focus more on the relationship rather than other parts of success (like the other strengths on families we've discussed in class) but it is good in thinking about the relationship with the parents. I mailed it to my parents because I love them so much and love being around them. And my parents give and serve all 5 of us kids so much, and just for them to know that they really impacting us I pray is encouragement! Let me know if yall get any cool quotes like that too!

Sean's blog #6

Wow I hope everyone did ok on the exam. Including myself! Have a great day, mine is as crazy as ever. Sean.

Model Stats

Last week when Dr. Hollist showed us the article about the average size of models I thought it was very interesting. I was in 4-H for 12 years and sewed a lot of clothes and I found it interesting and bothersome that when I was choosing what size of pattern to cut out it was always like 4 sizes larger than what I wear in store-bought clothing! I'm sure I thought of it before, but this article made me realize that all the clothing patterns are still made for super model sizes, not for the average person, even though the patterns are primarily sold to your average Joe and Jane. I'll admit that after taking my measurements and looking at the back of the pattern to see what size to cut out and seeing numbers 4 sizes bigger than normal had an impact on how I viewed my body. This could be an interesting topic for a research paper - how DO they determine sizing on patterns. Hmmm, I might have to look into that:)

Ethnicity/Race

I also think it is interesting how classes run together. This semester I am taking Sociology Race and Nationality and I think it's interesting that we talked about race and ethnicity in our class the other day. I find race and ethnicity to be very dynamic in the ways it changes and grows across the world and especially the US. Hollist said that 3 in 10 Americans are now minorities! In the next few decades I've read that the US is going to be minority majority. I find this really interesting because it really does effect everyone. This really effects families. More and more families today are diverse. Either diverse because of adoption, marriage, or multi racial children. As we talked about in class, this effects traditions and religion and other things related to culture. I would love to interview a family with mutli racial family members or a family member who is of a different race but in the family. It would be very cool to see how the family functions.

Midlife!

Our class discussion made me wonder about where I will be in my midlife. I could see how people get into routines in their midlife. Sometimes I feel like I have a routine and I'm only 20! My parents are in their midlife and I can tell when they are trying to break their routines. They take a trip to Mexico at least, every other year and my dad enjoys to hunt and fish as much as possible. However, a majority of their nights are filled with eating supper, watching t.v. or a movie and heading to bed around 10. My mother has told me how her and my father are getting along better now, than they have in years. So that shows communication does get better with time. I think midlife will be filled with its fair share of problems, but can prove to be one of the fulfilling stages of life.

Sean's blog #5

Hi just a quick note to let everyone know how bad I did on my CYAF 271 test. I better get busy or I will do bad on tommorrows test! Wishing everyone a great test! Just keep your fingers crossed for me too! Bye, Sean

Gender Roles

I really enjoyed last Thursday's discussion on Gender Roles and how different media influences our lives. As I watch TV or flip through a magazine, I cannot go 10 minutes without running into some sort of sexually related image. I feel that today's media is corrupting our society and future generations. Young boys are getting the message that treating women wrongfully is okay and little girls are being told that they need to look "model" quality all the time otherwise no one will love them.
There is also so much profanity on television and in newly release movies. Children should not be exposed to these types of media until they are older. For example, when I was younger, I rode a bus route to school with some rough neighborhood kids. I was around cuss words and vulgar behavior for so long, that it became apart of me and happens to slip out in everyday conversation. If I had the power to choose which bus route I could have ridden back then, I would have switched to a different one to avoid almost everything I was exposed to. There are just somethings children should not know until they are older.
But anywho, what ever happened to good, wholesome shows such as the Brady Bunch and Full House? In my opinion, I feel that our society has lost touch with the old family values and believe that reality television game shows are how people should act.

Culture Shock

In America it is amazing to see how many cultures there are out there and how many different styles of families there are. Each function in their own unique way, a lot of that I feel has to do with culture. In class we talked about how culture can influence the values and way a family lives. My boyfriend is a political refugee from Cuba. He came here when he was 5 years old with his mom, dad, and grandparents. He left behind another set of grandparents, two much older sisters, aunts, uncles, and friends. When they arrived they had $100 dollars and didn't know much English. Now they seem to be a perfectly normal American family. They are doing very well for themselves, have great jobs, and speak almost perfect English. At the same time though, his family is very different than mine. They emphasize spending time together and spend time with a lot of family and friends, very often. When they all get together they cook a lot of amazing food and just sit around and talk. When I say often I mean it, usually once a week or more. They are a very close family. His grandparents are always over at his house and the little other family that they have is over very often also. My family is not like that. Me, my parents, and my brother always spent a lot of time together and we always ate meals together all of that good stuff. But, I only see my grandparents and extended family for special occasions such as some birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays. I couldn't believe how close this family was. I love my family, every member, even my extended family but they are not a huge factor in my life. I told him how surprised I was a the closeness in his family and he said it is like that in Cuba. He said when he lived in Cuba he lived in a big house with his aunt grandma and parents, and that is the norm. In America it seems so different, at least where I am from.

Impact in different cultures!

So last class was so interesting and made me think so much like yall said too!! something that really got my attention is how we can't categorize everyone the same and generalize other cultures or even individuals in the same culture. Then I got to thinkin about how I desire to share the gospel of Christ and love on people in different countries, and make an impact, but just how will that look? Everyone is so different and the way people even see love is so different! And sometimes I talk about how I desire to make changes in countries, but it's not right to have my culture or society as that base, or one to compare to, but rather taking different principals and molding it in to how it fits with them, if that makes sense. So, in other words, this last class really got me thinking about how to build bridges with other people and really getting to know them, their heart, their processes, their function, and then from there, making an actual impact and being able to effectively and efficiently connect with others.

overlapping material in 3 classes!

I have really begun to realize, and enjoy, the fact that materials we have been covering in three of my classes this semester are overlapping. The three classes are Family Science, Intro. to Women and Gender and Intro. to Anthropology. The biggest similarity lately has been talking about race.

We watched a film in anthropology last week called "Understanding Race." The film was split into sections saying what race "is." Race is conflict. Race is history. Race is racism. Race is convenient. Race is engrained. Race is funny. Race is taboo. Race is extraordinary. Race is poetry. Those were all of the topics and they all had great points, stories and interviews. It showed that race is definitly a socially constructed term, as we have been discussing in our Family Science class. The term "race" truly does encompass a lot of characteristics.

On Tuesday, in class, we discussed some statistics that were divided by race such as graduation rate, poverty, and annual income. We also discussed how they may not be completely accurate because the specified races, African American, Asian American and Latino in particular, encompass so many different countries and traditions that are not even close! But yet they lump them all together for census and statistics sake. Then, just yesterday in my intro. to women and gender class we had just finished discussing a reading on classism and then our teacher brought up some slides with basically the exact information we had gone over in family science: statistics on graduation rates, annual income, etc. based on race - which were lumped together into the categories of African American, Asian American, Hispanic, etc. I was so tempted to raise my hand and make a comment on how those "races" encompass so many different kind of people, but it was right at the end of class so I held back. Race isn't the only topic that has overlapped in these three classes but it is currently the most relevant.

All this discussion about race has made me more conscious of it in my own life. I have been more aware lately of how our campus is overwhelmingly white and I have been aware of how I act and how I feel when people of another race or skin color are around. For once I am actually learning and applying something in college...just kidding:) But, really, I am so glad that these classes are all overlapping and they are overlapping in topics that I can actually relate to and apply to my life.

Discussion 2/10

I thought that todays discussion was really interesting. It really hit home for me when we watched the movie at the beginning of class. I have four little sisters that are adopted two of which are black. Like we talked about, they possibly wouldn't be able to attend the same schools as their sisters. My little sisters are both mixed race although they are considered "black". The youngest is black and white but has all of the black qualities. The other sister is black and hispanic. She is much lighter than the other. The girls have both grown up in our home which is white and have developed a lot. The youngest is 5 right now and we educate them on their black background, but she has decided that she is "brown" not "black" because she has seen others that are darker in color then she is. She knows she's not white but she also knows she's not white. I don't think it's hard for her, but she just makes it clear to everyone since she is very outspoken what she thinks. She often says "I'm not black I'm brown!"

Family Life

I have a similar life right now to Sean's. I moved out after I graduated, and lived in the dorms my freshman year, then moved in with a friend for a year. Last fall I had to move home unexpectedly because of Bed Bugs in our house. I live with my two parents who love me, and I love them, but sometimes we just don't get along. We bump heads in different ways than we did in high school. Although my brother is 7 years younger than I am and is still in middle school, I feel like I get in the way of their life. My sister had moved home a little bit before me too, so it's been a weird mix of family back at the house. It's hard being independent then moving back into your parents'. They treat me like I'm 15 still. I want to be a good daughter and be home to spend time with them, but it is just too hard. I want to be independent and live my life I was living before I had to move back home.
My genogram is not as detailed and crazy as a lot of others I am sure of that. It is very...blah. My family is boring I think!

Ultimate Fighting

So I'm going to take us back in time to our class about structure vs. function and content vs. process.To refresh, the function, or dynamics, of families or any sort of relationship is more important than who is involved,the structure, when looking at the 'what' factor. On the other hand the process, how the interaction is taking place, is more important than the content, what the interaction is about when looking at the 'how' of relationships. Now, why am I blogging about this?...because this class gave me an entirely new perspective about what is important in any sort of relationship (and actually helped me get through this week).
I've been in a relationship where the past few months have consisted of arguing...a lot. I've come to realize that my boyfriend and I are both just stubborn and sometimes we clash. That's not the problem. In reality the problem is the process, or how we go about doing it.
The fights are usually all the same-besides the content.They start with the source-whatever it is that we're arguing about. Then we go back and forth with our sides. Which is the problem. What I've noticed is we don't let each other express their feelings without talking over, running on with our side, or blaming the other one. Some of our fights have consisted of hanging up, raising our voices, and even walking out. I know people have different ways of expressing their feelings and arguing but what I realized was that those interactions are what cause the next step to occur-digging us deeper.
What I did last time we fought was call us both out and explain to him what I learned in class. I told him exactly what I just wrote and even what Dr.Hollist talked about. It made us both think about what we were doing instead of what we were fighting about. Since then when we disagree about something we have been better about letting each other talk and working it out civilly. Just surfacing the things that are so obvious but still hidden by the content of arguments helped us out so much it's amazing. I would suggest to everyone to take a step back from the argument or situation and bring up how you can fix the process because you never know what it can change.

Sean's blog #4

Hi everyone! I just finished my family genogram and I feel like it is not enough. My brothers are quite a bit older than me and we don't communicate and have not for years (excluding Christmas). This is just the way things in my family work (the way I see it). My parents are both retired and while I live with them since my divorce, I wouldn't say I communicate very well with them. I know that they love me but I feel that it is easier to keep them at bay with what is going on in my life. I feel as the only divorced son and living at home that I need to stay focused on re-educating myself so that I can get a career going and be out of their hair. This way they will be able to enjoy their retirement years and everyone will be happy.

Real Role?

Hey yall! So, after one of our lectures about roles, I kinda got to thinkin about how roles can be switched around different people, different groups, and different situations. Like, my role at home with 4 hilarious brothers is more of a listener, encourager, somethin like that. Then, when I'm at school and on the soccer field, I'm focused differently, laugh and joke constantly, and I have a role in leadership and spiritual leadership,and that's how people see me.

But, have yall thought, what determines your roles? Do you choose or is it just how others see you that defines where you fit? And, have you ever examined your motive behind why you are a particular role? Like, sometimes I don't say much with my brothers because I'm not so close to them and, honestly, I get afraid sometimes. They can be so critical. But that's not who I am and that's not a good motive, so in a way, I'm not letting my brothers see me as I really am, and I have some things to work on for myself. That's just one instance. But have yall ever noticed that? I think many people have inconsistant identites and don't even realize it or realize the motives and reasons why. But I know a way to have a consistant, healthy identity, but shoot it takes work. It'd be cool to hear what yall think!

My Family

Listening to the lecture on strong families, it was interesting to see how my family fit into all the characteristics. I have always believed I have a good solid strong family and I still do. We may not be the Brady Bunch or seem like the picture perfect happy family, but we are our own perfect. I have one older brother and two loving parents. It has always been just the four of us and we are very close. My parents have been married for 25 years and although they have had their arguments they never fought them out in front of us kids. They work very hard to support me and my brother and give us nice things and help us pay for our education. But whenever me or my brother had a game or something important, they would always take of work to be there to support us. We aren't an over affectionate family. But like the lecture said, we are frequent and simple in our affection and appreciation showing. My family of four has not faced many devastating hardships out of the ordinary but have come across many common trials that families face. There have been deaths in the family, loss of a job, and so forth. We have always stuck together and helped each other through it. My parents are always there to talk to and help me out if I have a problem or if life is just plain overwhelming at the moment. They do whatever they can to help us kids. Now days, we don't get to see each other a lot but when we do, we sped quality time and I always walk away feeling grateful for my family. We have our issues just as any normal family. But we are quick to talk to it and forgive others. We also all share the same faith and that has helped us through a lot of difficult times. I believe my family has shaped be to be a caring, strong, hardworking person. I would not be who and where I am today if it weren't for every member of my family. I hope to have a strong family just like mine when I am married and have kids someday. I can't wait to share the same values and all the love my parents gave to me. I feel like I am a secure person and I can depend on myself for many things, but if i ever need help my family will always be there.

Boundaries and Homeostasis

I have been blessed with parents who are not too terribly overwhelming. They are pretty trustworthy of me and treat me like an adult, since I am one:) However, some of my friends have parents that are just not really willing to let their children grow up or are a bit overly controlling. I think the stories I have to tell have to do with both homeostasis, the tendency of a family to resist change, and boundaries, regulations that govern who participates in the interaction and how or when the interaction takes place. For example, my friend Sue's (name has been changed for privacy's sake) home is about a 40 minute drive from Lincoln. She lives on campus and works in Lincoln but when she does go home her parents are very controlling and don't let her have a lot of freedom. For example, over Christmas break she came in to Lincoln to work one afternoon and then one of her friend's called her to come hang out with them and go get a drink or something. Sue, as a responsible young woman, called her parents to tell them that she was going to stay in Lincoln awhile longer and hang out with so-and-so. Her parents, well, particularly her mom, got all upset and said "If you don't come home right now we're going to stop helping you pay for school. You need to come home and spend time with the family." The sad thing is, is that her parents use this "scare-tactic" every time, and she's not sure if they really would act on their word but she obeys every time and comes home - steaming. So her parents setting these boundaries really isn't helping at all because it actually puts a boundary between her and her parents. They get angry at each other and are not able to communicate effectively, which is a key component of a strong family. I think part of the reason Sue's parents are reacting like this is because things are different compared to when they were Sue's age (21) and they think things should be the same as when they grew up. They are resisting the changes of the times heavily, but it's hurting their family. I could tell many more stories of friends with families who have a strong sense of homeostasis, but I think this blog is long enough. Until, next time...

My Genogram

I have already begun my research for my genogram. The first person I called was my Dad. I am least familiar with his side of the family. I learned the birth order of his sibling and which one had kids. My dad's side has a lot more physical illnesses than my mother's family. This has already been a huge learning experience for me. I talked to my dad about his family more in a day than I have in probably my whole life. They all live in other states, so we have lost touch. This assignment is making everyone dig deeper into their family history and discover things they likely didn't know. This assignment is also forcing us to communicate with our family members about things that could be uncomfortable. We have to ask about things like drug and alcohol abuse, divorces, bad family ties and many other things. Being force to ask these questions helps everyone develop a better understanding of our families, and why we are the way we are. 

Genograms

I really enjoyed Tuesday's lecture on genograms. It was fun listening to how each person's family is unique in their own way. Some, like mine, can be very simple to others who have complex families. However, as I was sitting in class, I started to do a rough sketch of my own family's genogram. Drawing out each relative was pretty easy until I started to think of the relationships each person had with oneanother. Eventhough my genogram may seem normal structual wise, once I started to add in relationships, it started to get pretty complicated. My father's sister has basically cut off ties with our family entire family except for my father's sister-in-law. My mom and her sister are really close and keep close ties with my grandmother. My mom's sister-in-law and her do not get along with each other and the list just grows on from there. I am really looking forward to completing the rest of my genogram to learn more about my family then I ever would have.

Function and Process

After our lecture last Thursday, I can't stop watching my family and how they function and process. I would say that my family is fairly strong and close but we have little quirks I guess you could call them. Actually I think the way Prof Hollist described it was places to "grow". Here's a small taste of how my family functions. My sister has been dating this guy for a few months now, and no one in our family really thought they were going to last, and of course my parents let her know that they didn't think he was right for her. They broke up last weekend and I was the first to know. Oh ya, my whole family lives together still, my sister and I moved back in after a couple years living on our own. When something in my family happens like my sister breaking up with her boyfriend, we don't really discuss it. We just go on discussing it with each other but not as a whole family. My parents ask me questions about my sister and don't confront my sister. Communication is really a place where we our family can grow.

Sean's blog #3

Hey everyone! I know that we are only on blog #3 as a class, but I jumped the gun and posted my first one a week before it was due. Then I posted another one by the due date. So I am going to post this one today and it will be my third, while the rest of you, if your following along with class should only have two. Call me an overachiever I guess! Or a class pet....... Your choice.

Anyway, I am finding a lot of similarities with this class and the ed psch. class I took last spring. Also there are a lot of similarities between this class and my CYAF 271 class. I'm thinking this is a good thing, because I need a lot of grinding to get anything through this thick head of mine.

Anyway I have to go now and I am still one blog up (does that mean that I get a free week ya suppose?).

My personal etiology experience

What I would like to reflect on today is actually something we covered the very first day of class. Dr. Hollist/Cody (I don't know what he would prefer to be called) introduced two terms to us: epistemology and etiology. As soon as I heard the definition of etiology, which basically means "how things develop" or "where things come from," I automatically thought of everything that's been going on physically/medically with my mom because we had recently discussed that exact question - how did this all start? My mom had some scar tissue removed on her hand and it came back as this huge, hard bump on her hand that was definitly not a beauty mark. So, she had it removed again and the doctor gave her something to take while it started to heal, well, that caused a bacterial infection and made her feel like crap and eventually led her to getting a CAT scan and seeing a gastroenterologist to have all kinds of tests done (an endoscopy, a colonoscopy and an endoscopic ultrasound). After finding a pre-cancerous cyst on her pancreas she ended up having to have surgery to get 40% of her pancreas removed as well as her spleen. And then there have been all kinds of little repercussions slowing the healing process since then, including a trip to the ER for horrendous nausea and vomiting, but she is finally about 60-70% back to normal and things are finally healing and recovering well, the way that they're supposed to. So, in conclusion, where did this all start? With the removal of some scar tissue on my mom's hand. But we are thankful that the drugs she was given for that did cause negative repercussions because it helped us find out what was really wrong, before it turned into something malignant - which would have been pancreatic cancer. Thank goodness the cyst was benign! And that is my experience with etiology:)

"Time Together"

After the lecture and discussion in class about strong families, I realized reflection is a key component in any family. I wondered though, how many families stop and reflect? Then I realized that most of the time spent reflecting is when a family member passes away. I know that the lecture was about immediate families so I guess I'm looking through my mom's perspective when she was raised. My mom is one of 4 siblings, she is in the middle of them somewhere, and was raised by both of her parents. My grandpa passed when I was really young, so my only memories of him were jumping over him while he layed on the floor after a big meal. Growing up my mom never talked about her side of the family much and when we would have to go to Exeter to visit my grandma and uncles for holidays, it was always a drag. My grandma passed away last week, and it really made me stop and reflect. I thought about all those times I didn't want to go see her and all the times I complained, never to her face, but to my mom. I guess regret is the key word I'm looking for. Anyway, my mom's side is very reserved, conservative, small-town, and quiet. For example, my uncle Frank lives on the farm he was born on and has never been married, just lives by himself in the middle of the country. I think what I'm getting at is that my mom's side of the family never spend quality "time together" as we discussed in class. I found out a couple years ago that my grandpa went to the only bar in town every night, while my grandma never drank a drop in her life. My grandma played the piano in church every Sunday for 65 years, while my grandpa only went to church on holidays. Later on I found out my grandma married my grandpa when she was 28 years old. Back then that was really old to get married. It almost seems like my grandpa was last resort and so they got married. I don't think growing up, my mom every had that quality time together with her parents. Everyone kept mostly to themselves, just as they do now.

Strong Families

As I was in class and listening to the qualities of strong families it really got me thinking about my own family. I have an extremely strong family. My parents are still extremely close and have been married for over 30 years. I call home at least once a day if not ten I think. I am one of 8 children and I have a strong relationship with all of them I even live with my older sister part of the time. I go home every other weekend and every holiday and would never change a thing about my family! But I can't help but think that my family has been through so much and that's what makes us so strong. My four younger siblings are adopted and all have their own special needs and like any family we have gone through a lot. I also think that my family has grown strong because of my parents. My parents both grew up in homes that were far from strong. I have grown up only really knowing my mother's side of the family, my father's side no longer speaks to my dad and us children included. My mother's family has been battling alcoholism and my grandparents do not have a strong relationship which affected all of their children and their relationships with one another. I am so happy for my family and how strong we have become. I think that it means so much to have a strong family to me because I know what it is like to not have one.

About A Boy

This is kind of an akaward place to start but I'm just going to jump right in and hopefully get some feedback. I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 years(hear me out I know this will sound highschool-ish at first). When we first started dating everything was perfect and about ten months in we started talking about our future. We confessed that we felt strongly about being together and that someday even marriage and kids would be in store for us. This was around the time when he confessed to me that he didn't really have a childhood growing up because his father was a 'worthless' father and his mother was a drug addict. He told me he always has had to take care of little sister and the house, sometimes even the bills. His dad used to beat him and his mother was in jail several times, leaving the family in immense debt. Every word out of his mouth was heartbreaking and I couldn't fathom how such a screwed up childhood could make such a responsible young man. About 4 months later he completely changed.Ever since he left his father and sister to come to college he has been different. His temper has become outrageous, he is very quick to anger, and he has become irregularly controlling. I know college is a big step and change in life but I can't help but think it has something to do with his family. I believe it finally caught up to him after all these years and he is taking it out on himself and even me sometimes. Just a year ago he was happy and responsible and had his whole life planned out the way he had dreamed and now he's rebelling against it all. I would really appreciate some feedback not necessarily about our relationship but how to help him and what you think is going on here. Thanks.