Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Strong Families
As I was in class and listening to the qualities of strong families it really got me thinking about my own family. I have an extremely strong family. My parents are still extremely close and have been married for over 30 years. I call home at least once a day if not ten I think. I am one of 8 children and I have a strong relationship with all of them I even live with my older sister part of the time. I go home every other weekend and every holiday and would never change a thing about my family! But I can't help but think that my family has been through so much and that's what makes us so strong. My four younger siblings are adopted and all have their own special needs and like any family we have gone through a lot. I also think that my family has grown strong because of my parents. My parents both grew up in homes that were far from strong. I have grown up only really knowing my mother's side of the family, my father's side no longer speaks to my dad and us children included. My mother's family has been battling alcoholism and my grandparents do not have a strong relationship which affected all of their children and their relationships with one another. I am so happy for my family and how strong we have become. I think that it means so much to have a strong family to me because I know what it is like to not have one.
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Class kind of had the opposite affect on me. I thought we had a strong family but we don't really fit the criteria. My family is a "yours mine and ours" family and have had a few issues because of it. My parents have been married about 20 years, I have 2 brothers and a sister all older. My brothers are from my dad's previous marriage and my sister is from my mom's. I am the product of the current marriage. My dad came from a typical small town NE farm family and my mom came from an alcholic family. We are close to both sets of g-parents but distant from both sets of aunts and uncles. Of course there were common battles with my family about who was the parent and who had say in the kids lives, but for the most part my mom and dad had the power.
Now I discussed in class my sister is bipolar and because it was undiognosed it literally tore my family apart. My dad wouldnt talk for weeks, my sister was battling emotions no one can deal with, my mom was stuck mediating between dad and her, and I was my sister's outlet for her pain. My brothers are much older than me and are out of the house. Eventually my sister got help and is much better today. But my family it still recovering from it years later. For instance I am still somewhat afraid of my sister and avoid making her angry at any cost. But our family is slowly repairing itself.
Now back my point. I thought we were strong because my family is so close and very affectionate. We stay in very close contact and get together as much as possible. My family uses humor as a huge part of how we 'bond' but the kind of humor we use was discussed in class a negative. My dad and sister especially use put-downs as humor. For instance I am called "Dinger" about 85% of the time rather than Sarah because I'm 'dingy' as in stupid. And one of my brothers is called 'gomor' (idk if thats spelled right) which is an extreme insult, if u dont know what it means jsut trust me it not good. Also my dad kind of takes advantage of the fact that my brother fight for his attention. I see that i really hurts the younger of the two but i have know clue how to make him aware of it.
I am extremely happy to have my family but i cant help but wonder if these negative things are going to affect all of us in our careers and love-lives. Especially my brother, if you could see him interact with my dad he practically begs for attention and only gets shot down. My dad has even taken other men that replace him, for instance a friend of the family "uncle" ben gets more support from my dad than my brother, and my dad talks to my sisters boyfriend more often than Eric. While my mom just lets all of this happen.
Hey! I know exactly what you mean. My immediate family is very strong. When my father was diagnosed with cancer, we started to spend more time together and learned to cherish each and every moment: who knows when the next moment will be the last time you spend with that person. Also this past fall, my father had a farming accident and injured his back during harvest season. It was amazing how well our family pulled together to help him out, and we managed to get through corn harvest successfully. :) I feel that my brother and I have grown closer since I have started college. We both realize how much we relied on each other and cared for one another. Now on the other hand, one of my Aunts had a hard life. Her parents went through a messy divorce --not to mention at Christmas time-- at a young age. She basically raised herself and two younger siblings. Barely had enough money to survive on throughout her life and especially college. Her father drank himself to death a few years ago. There were several other hardships throughout her life too. However, during the holidays now, she always seems to put a damper on the Christmas spirit as she gripes about every little thing that is going wrong. I realize that the holidays are a bad memory for her, but I feel horrible for her children for she is making the holidays a terrible time for them also. Now when I leave my Grandparents house after family Christmas, I am always glad to have been blessed with parents and a brother that love me so much!
rwie I grew up in a close family too! My parents have already had their 50th and I don't even know how many years they have now. My mom comes from a family of 8 kids that all grew up poor and struggling through life. But as life does, everyones life improved as far as living goes. But then my mother and the rest of us were not anylonger included with family functions, much like your father. I never grew up knowing cousins and aunts and uncles either, even though there were a lot!
I guess I am just sorry that since we moved to Nebraska and separated our lives from my mom's large family, they haven't been able to see and be part of the wonderful things that my immediate family has become. I'm very happy for you and your family becoming strong. Remember that it takes a lifetime!
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