Boundaries and Homeostasis

I have been blessed with parents who are not too terribly overwhelming. They are pretty trustworthy of me and treat me like an adult, since I am one:) However, some of my friends have parents that are just not really willing to let their children grow up or are a bit overly controlling. I think the stories I have to tell have to do with both homeostasis, the tendency of a family to resist change, and boundaries, regulations that govern who participates in the interaction and how or when the interaction takes place. For example, my friend Sue's (name has been changed for privacy's sake) home is about a 40 minute drive from Lincoln. She lives on campus and works in Lincoln but when she does go home her parents are very controlling and don't let her have a lot of freedom. For example, over Christmas break she came in to Lincoln to work one afternoon and then one of her friend's called her to come hang out with them and go get a drink or something. Sue, as a responsible young woman, called her parents to tell them that she was going to stay in Lincoln awhile longer and hang out with so-and-so. Her parents, well, particularly her mom, got all upset and said "If you don't come home right now we're going to stop helping you pay for school. You need to come home and spend time with the family." The sad thing is, is that her parents use this "scare-tactic" every time, and she's not sure if they really would act on their word but she obeys every time and comes home - steaming. So her parents setting these boundaries really isn't helping at all because it actually puts a boundary between her and her parents. They get angry at each other and are not able to communicate effectively, which is a key component of a strong family. I think part of the reason Sue's parents are reacting like this is because things are different compared to when they were Sue's age (21) and they think things should be the same as when they grew up. They are resisting the changes of the times heavily, but it's hurting their family. I could tell many more stories of friends with families who have a strong sense of homeostasis, but I think this blog is long enough. Until, next time...