What I have learned..

This class had helped me look at all my relationships in a new light. It has also made me look at people situations differently and not just assume you know what's going on in their life. Communication is one major piece I will take with me. Communication affects EVERY relationship from you and your parents, to friends and boyfriends.. everything. It is not what you are say it is how you are saying it! The toilet seat being left up is not the problem, it is how that arguement gets carried out. This would be a great class for all college students to take. I did not learn a bunch of facts and statistics, but I learned things that will benifit every aspect of my life!

I'll be honest, Chris, our guest speaker from the Street Outreach Services at Cedars on Tuesday, was quite intimidating to me, with his very loud voice and his tatoos and everything. I shouldn't stereotype but that's just honestly how I felt. I wasn't intimidated by his message, I could handle all the stuff about meth and picking and all that, although it was even more than I've seen on even CSI and NCIS (two of my favorite television shows). I thought it was awesome how Chris said he goes and eats lunch at the Matt Talbot Kitchen frequently and that's how he gets into contact with people so he can talk with them and get them help if they want it. I think he can definitly relate to them more than most of us because he said he's been there, done that (gotten in trouble with the law for drugs and/or alcohol and had run ins with the police, been to AA, etc.) It made me wonder if someone who hasn't been in similar situations could ever do a job like Chris's. I think it would be really hard to do his job, in general, but even harder if you hadn't had some of your own personal experiences in the area. I don't know if people would be as likely to listen to what he had to say and to open up to him about their problems. I just don't know.

Time to get this last blog in!

Well unfortunately I think that I have dropped the ball on this whole blog thing! Between work, family and school and to many distractions, I didn't get much out of blogging. I think I would have if I would have had more time and attention to put toward it. Maybe I will retry it this summer on a regular basis. Although my old roomate (who lives in Toyko) hooked me up on facebook. I vowed to stay off until the rest of the semester but have been contacted several times by old friends. Now what? Blog or Facebook?

Cedars Speaker

Today the man from Cedars came and spoke about the youth in this area. I knew a lot about this already because of where I am currently employed. My office works closely with Cedars but with a different branch than what we talked about. I think that the most interesting part of the whole discussion for me was when he showed the pictures of where some teens were living here in Lincoln. The girl that was living in a hole in the middle of winter with no coat! I can't imagine. I also think that it is important to think about what he was talking about because some people think that people choose to be poor. While this may be true for a FEW people in this world with the economy the way it is and seeing that these are teens with no shelter we need to think about what we can do to help them.

Adoption

The Steven Curtis Chapman music video that we watched in class really got me thinking. I have known for a long time that I want to adopt when the time is right. I want to adopt one child and have a few of my own. I think it will be a huge challenge in my life and my husband's life, but I know that it is what is right and what I want to do. I want to provide a loving and safe home for a child that would have no chance of a life like that. There are so many families in America that have the money and right family for adoption, but people think it is too hard. I think that is selfish almost to only have your own kids when there are millions of starving, homeless, neglected, abused kids in our world already.

Family Economy

Just looking through my notes the idea of Family Economy struck me. It is not about money but the resources one has and how they use them. I feel that my family has an incredible amount of resources and we are finally really going to start putting them to good use. The biggest thing I thought of was how my mom and I both know how to sew but usually the only time during the year we do any major sewing (other than all the mending) is to make like a dress or something to enter in the county fair. Both of us now really want to make a bunch of skirts and stuff to wear this summer. We will have to buy the fabric but overall it will be much cheaper to make than to buy. Our pantry is nearly always full, even during the "pancake and pasta" months of January and February as my mom calls them (because my dad works in construction and those are the really slow months where not a lot of income is coming in). We always have food (resources) we just need to be a little more creative in combining things to make meals and not be so picky. We also have a wood stove in our garage which we use to heat it in the winter - and since my dad works construction we don't have to go buy wood or chop down trees, my dad just brings home wood scraps from the jobsite. These are just a few examples of family economy for me. I really do have a ton of resources, I just need to think about what they all are and how I can use them to the fullest.

Abuse

One of the main reasons i llove working with children is because of a foster sister i had. Her story of abuse and neglect influenced my decision to become a children's psychologist. I have now changed my major to early childhood ed, but i still feel that i will be able to help kids that need it. That song concrete angel really makes you think...how can ppl ignore all the pain that is right in front of their faces. Its hard to imagine what kind of person could abuse their children, but i think it even harder to understand why ppl dont want to get involved in saving a child from abuse. I hope that i can make a difference in children's lives and if the occasion ever arises i have no doubt that i will do everything i can to stop a child from being abused.

Good Morning America Special

This week on Good Morning America they are doing lots of things revolved around the economy. Tuesday morning I was watching and they were showing a special on couples who have been affected by the downfall. One couple has been forced to live in seperate cities because of their situation. The husband got a new job in a new city and bought a house to live there while his wife stayed behind to sell their old house. She hasn't been able to sell the house or find a new job in her husband's city therefore the couple has been forced to live seperatly for 2 years now.
This reminded me of our discussion in class over how the economy has influenced each of us. I'm sorry if any of your familes have been affected in a negative way and I hope you can get through it.

Let Go, Let God.

So on tuesday we talked in part about money and how conflicts start and why money seems to have such a power over relationships. I mean, it's something so many couples argue over and over about. But as we got deeper, we began talking about process, not content. So what's the process? Well, in understanding the process, the idea of how money has different meanings had to be discussed. This was where I really gained insight - not only about how to understand where conflicts can occur, but why it's so important to trust Jesus Christ in everything.
The last meaning or purpose for money was control. People want a lot of money to be able to control their lives, do things they want to do when they want to do it and how they want to do it. This applies to many areas of life and how we strive for control because it gives us a sense of power. Then it hit me, God has been teaching me a ton about giving Him complete control over money and therefore strengthening my trust in Him and His promise to provide for my life. You see, I learned last class just how opposite our human nature to want control is and our trust in Jesus. He has ultimate control, He has a perfect plan, He is Worthy of my complete dependence, trust, and reliance on Him. I then happened to read this verse the next morning that said, "man cannot live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." Deuteronomy 8. And it was so cool to see God work becasue without Him, we have no live or meaning or true satisfaction.

I also got to share this with my mom because my family has been struggling a lot since the economy and since my dad got back from Afghanistan and jobs got shifted. It was encouraging for my mom and I to talk about different meanings of money but how there's no need to worry because Jesus has complete control. There's comfort in that. So all in all, we can let go our worries because He cares, and we can let God :)

My Family

Today in class everyone shared about their families and how things have changed for them during this hard time in our economy. I thought that it was really interesting to hear other people's stories but it was also very sad to think about it. My family has been affected also. My family was just getting to the point where we were "financially stable". We live in a very small community on a farm. We have a lot of animals and my parents used to farm but started within the last 2 years renting out all of our farm ground. My dad works full time at a really great job that he loves and my mom also has a decent job. I have 4 younger siblings that are adopted with special needs. My parents have been waiting for the day when my mom could quit her job and stay home to help the girls more. This day came last year, she told her office she would not be coming back for 2009. We soon found out though that this was no longer going to happen. With the economy my dad has taken back all of the farm ground to farm himself and my mother did not end up quiting her job. This is also causing a lot of tension between my parents. My mom hates that my dad has to go to work all day and then work in the fields until 1 or 2 in the morning. Neither of them are home for my younger sisters and they hate having to do this but it's the only way to make ends meet for a while. Hopefully soon everything will go back to normal. Although my family is hurting I know there are other people that are affected so much more by this and my heart goes out to them.

My weekly post

I have been so busy that I have no idea where I am at with blogging. I think that I have done pretty well keeping up, but after being informed of the extra blogging that will count toward our grades, I had better keep busy!

Spring Fever

This weather makes me want to skip class and sit outside all day! But, I would never ditch class, right? ;) This is my favorite time of year. I love the rain, the tulips and that classes are almost out. Hope everyone did well on the test. Have a lovely day.

Communication and Intimacy

So, I got a cool opportunity to talk to a friend about his relationship with another one of my friends. The girl was totally shielded from him when they were considered "dating" so they broke up. But, then when they were apart she could totally talk to him as a friend and be close again. So, he was so confused and asked for some insight. And I got to talk about how the key to intimacy is communication - not just this physical attraction and attention. So, they need to be able to communicate in a healthy way. Then, I talked with him about identity and not going in to a relationship not knowing yourself - maybe she doesn't want to be in a relationship because she isn't ready and doesn't want to go in the relationship with baggage but with a clear identity. This will enable her to be able to communicate effectively and help the other person. Also, committment, a piece of family strengths, can be something that people are afraid of or just not ready for. It's easier to have no committments, but when one wants to enter a relationship, committment is not a feeling, it's not meant to be easy, but it's a choice. So, overall, it's ok to wait, let time play this out and let God grow each person seperately in their identity and when the timing is right for the relationship, they will be better prepared to fully committ equally and in a healthy way, building eachother up!

Family Interview

I am excited to get our papers back from our family interview! I thought it would be difficult to write 5 pages but when I was writing it and just kept going and going then looked at the page number I was at and I was already over the 5 pages. I had to then cut some out. This never happens to me, I usually have to push the last few pages out of me to get through it. Well, I hope you all did well on this assignment!

Assignment

I'm really worried about how I did on the family interview assignment. I spent a lot of time on it though so I am hoping for the best! Good luck to everyone else on theirs!

Autonomy!

So last class we talked about children's play and their growing development towards autonomy and independence. They want to try things on their own, not be filled with shame and self-doubt. They are, not even realizing it, finding their identity and parents and others have a huge role in molding that. Well, as I was listening I was thinking about my soccer team that I coach. I wanted to find ways that I can increase their autonomy and self-worth at soccer practice. So, yesterday, I asked them to make decisions (one of the ways we talked about that can help) about what drills or games we wanted to do. I gave them a choice in rewards - if one team won, what's the reward? They would decide and feel like they took part in a decision. I also had different girls model the drills - which they got super excited about and felt confident! It was so fun to see!

Processes

My sister and I are really close. Growing up she was always the one to give me advice. Now, things are a little different. Her and her boyfriend break up almost every weekend when they are drinking. It is getting a little old and starting to make a bad routine. She comes to me for advice now. I told her to focus on the process of the argument and not the content. I explained everything to her, and she says she understands and it makes complete sense. It has been awhile now, and I haven't had to talk to my sister about this again. She says things are getting better! I feel like a therapist already!!

Processes

My sister continues to ask for my help almost every weekend. Her boyfriend breaks up with her almost every weekend when they go to the bars. It is obvious that alcohol is the main issue here because they have a good relationship but he just can't handle his alcohol. I talk to her a lot about how to not focus on the content of their arguments but the process. They drink he gets upset, he breaks up with her, she gets mad and confused, and he leaves town for the weekend or atleast for a day. He runs away from his problems all the time. It makes my sister really upset. I told her that if they are arguing about the same this which is nothing, focus on the process of the arguments. She took my advice and says it is helping. I feel like a therapist already!!

Preference vs. Principle

This class discussion reminded me of the movie with Adam Sandler, Big Daddy. That was an extreme example of preference vs. principle. He let the kid he was taking care of, wear anything he wanted. He also allowed the child to change his name to Frankenstein. He knew that letting the kid wear what he wanted, would make him happy and allow him to learn to dress himself. He didn't care what strangers on the street thought when they saw the child. I'm sure we have all seen this in our daily life. Young girls often go to the grocerie store with their parents wearing princess dresses and crowns. Some times you have to just the your kids learn on their own how to dress and accept their clothing choices. This is all part of the learning process. When they go to preschool and see other children wearing regular clothes, or their pants on the right way, they will be learning naturally.

Telling is NOT teaching!

I know that if we comment on someone else's post it counts as a post but I am going to do my own posting as well.

I was in total approval when the phrase "Telling is not teaching" came up in class on Tuesday. I think that it is not only true for teaching little kids but that it still applies today! I am mostly talking about all those big lecture classes that we all have to take at LEAST one of in college. Everything in those classes goes in and goes right back out after the tests and final and it is because all the class is is the professor telling us tons of information and not directly applying it. They are telling, and telling is not teaching! Our class is a lecture class but I feel like I am actually learning things because we are able to see real life examples and video clips and shout out examples of things in class. We are not just sitting there listening to the professor talking. We are interacting and we have things like the family interview assignment which allows us to directly apply and talk about the things we are learning in class.

So, in conclusion, the fact that telling is not teaching applies not only to young children but all through life!

Siblings

I thought a lot about when we talked about younger siblings or younger children mimicking older people. My little sisters are always trying to be like me. It used to drive me crazy but now I think it's super cute. Just this weekend when I was home I was wearing sunglasses outside and when I came back in I slid them up onto the top of my head. I didn't even realize what I had done until 2 of my little sisters came upstairs with their little sunglasses placed on their heads like mine. I also noticed the other day when my family came up to Lincoln to go shopping. They all got swimsuits because they have to go stay in a hotel soon, but my mom didn't want them to have bikinis so they all used the excuse "but Becky has one!" I was also thinking about how we talked about what we wanted to be when we grew up and I just thought I would add that I always wanted to be a aviarian (bird doctor as I called it) until everyone in middle school started making fun of me. I was/am an animal lover but I also love children so I'm happy where I'm at but can't help but wonder if I would have stuck with it if I wasn't made fun of?!

Required Blog

I think I missed the last week or two of my blog. Please accept my apology's! Sean

beginning to parents and children chapter

...first of all I'm a little bit concerned about the 'pop quizzes'. Haha Apparently there are supposed to be 5 and we've only had 2. So if your not comin to class-do b/c they have to come up soon!!
I think the section we are starting on parents and children is going to be my favorites. I'm an inclusive major so I love everything to do with kids. I guess I've never really thought of other reasons to have children except to start a family and simply because you love children. I thought it was interesting to hear the other opinions too.
It was also really interesting to think about the changes that children bring that we discussed. The family I interviewed told me about their changes once they had children. The dad admitted that once he looked at his little girl he wanted to jump out the window because he was so scared to bring her into this world. It's crazy to think that now they have a great relationship and how far they have come from that. This just showed me that it's different for every family and sometimes you don't know how you're going to take it. His wife also said that they were so excited and they both believed that they were prepared and when she looked her little girl in the eyes she was so full of joy. So I think it's hard to say what parents will experience because it's never the same-some are scared to death and others are nothing but happy.
Good luck to everyone on completing their interview assignment!!

This class has made me look at all the relationships differently. I have recently reconnected with my old best friend. I realized the main flaw in our relationship was our lack of communication. After sending a few emails back and forth, we came to the same conclusion that with a little work, our friendship could be good as new. Now, we tell each other everything, even the things that are difficult to share. Every relationship need honest communication. That does not mean telling the other person every thought that comes into your head. It means being able to share and discuss things that are important parts of your life.

Baseball Bash!

On Tuesday I was in the locker room and some girls were really upset. They were excited to get together with some guys on the baseball team to go hit baseballs in the batting cages. When I asked them why they were to fired up to go hit balls, they said, "it's the best way to get rid of your anger! Anytime you just need to let it all out, go just smash some baseballs!" Then, the other girl preceeded to say, "it feels so good to just let it all out!" While I don't think they were as upset as they seemed to joke about, they did seem pretty confident that letting all your anger out is solving the problem....that was until I laughingly told them that it's actually a myth - it's actually dangerous. Then we all had a good laugh because I think it made sense to them. As we learned in class, letting out anger is not the way to solve a conflict, but rather figuring out the process within the conflict and quickly resolving the issue. Letting out anger only temporarily feels good but the deeper issue is still stewing and building up, waiting for another opportunity for blowout.

I was reading over the notes and thinking about the class discussion about the Dance of Anger. I found it interesting because I have seen the 'styles' and the societal influence on arguments I have had with my friends, family, boyfriend, and other people's arguments. I can pick out a friend that I have for each 'style of dance'. I know my friends very well and so of course I know how they react to an argument and anger. I also know how I react. I know there are healthy ways to express anger, but controlling it can be hard when you are in an argument with another very angry person. It seems like everything escalates. So when you get to the point where the Dance of Anger comes in, i feel sometimes a person may resort to more than one style. I have felt like a Pursuer when I 'just wanted to talk about things', or also a distancer when I need a break from that person and just can't listen to them talk anymore. I'm sure I have been a blamer, I'm only human. I believe anger is a difficult emotion to deal with, especially when two people are angry at each other at the same time. Things can get messy, and you might not want to deal with it anymore. But, I think the best way to diffuse the anger is to step back from the situation and get back to reality, remember why you are angry and try to fix the problem. One must also be reasonable, and as calm as possible. At the same time, this is always easier said than done.

another encounter with process vs. content

I had another first hand encounter with process vs. content just the other day, as well as with conflict in marriage. My parents were fighting and my mom was later letting off some steam from the situation to me and I found out that the "Learner's style of dance" that one of the styles my dad seems to practice is the Blamers style. You see, my parents are self-employed. My dad does most of the physical work and my mom does most of the desk work. However, my dad has to write down the things that he does, record them in a log book, so that my mom can put them into the computer and send out the billing statements and such. But many times things get lost in translation and my dad blames my mom for a mistake on a billing statement when in reality it is mostly his mistake because he is the one who wrote the information down in the first place. And that is what a lot of their fights are about, but they focus on the content, the mistake made on a billing statement, instead of the process, of how things got lost in translation and how maybe a different system needs to be implemented. I hope that I will be able to apply what I have learned in this class in my own relationships and not fall into the bad habits of my parents. I am so thankful for all of these child, youth and family classes I have been taking because I think they will help me to have better relationships, a better marriage someday and raise my children well. So thanks:)

Exam

I also did not miss a class and I thought this exam was maybe a little more difficult then the last. I hope I did well though. I had a few items that I was completely clueless on also. So again I hope for the best. I'm ready for summer! I have so much to do in the last month though I'm trying to just get by one day at a time and not procrastinate too much. Hope everyone's last month goes smoothly!

Exam 2

Hello everyone,

How did the exam go for all of you? I thought it went pretty good but there were still a few questions that i didn't catch in class. I didn't even miss a day this section and there were still some topics listed that i didn't have a clue about. I also struggled with the essay question. It seemed like when i got to the essay portion my mind went blank for some reason. I hope i still did o.k. I was really hoping that they would of picked the essay question on the love triangle. I'm pretty sure i would of nailed that one but oh well ya get what ya get.

So is everyone ready for the end of the semester? I sure am. I still think that this past three months has gone so fast. I am ready to take into account everything i have learned this semester and apply it more than what i am doing now since i am so so busy with school. It seems like there is no time left over after writing papers and reading textbooks, and taking exams. I have been in school off and on for six years almost seven years now and i am getting so burned out. I am ready to graduate and get on with a new phase of my life. I want to go to work and be done by six and not have to worry about staying up all night and having to study for an exam and write a paper all in one night.

Well hope everyone did really well on the test.

Abby Tille

Hey everyone! Just thought I would say that I felt yesterday's test was easier than our first test (just my opinion). I really am enjoying this class tremendously and would highly recommend my friends to take this class as an elective. The topics we are covering I feel will benefit my relationships with others in the future. Well...I hope everyone's week is going well. :)