Sean's blog #7

It seems to me that we could have discussed physicological abuse as well. I think that is one area that we should have discussed more. Did anyone else feel lost in yesterdays class? Just wondering? Sean

forgot about blog

I totally forgot about blog until right now sitting in class.. but I just thought I would comment on the chart from last week. It was amazing but really scary. 

self-concept and the cup theory

On Tuesday when we were talking about the single life, specifically the section on self, it really struck a chord with me when it was said that "it's much easier to improve our self-concept when we're single." I already knew this, but it just gave me the extra boost I need right now because that's what I'm trying to do in my own life right now. I already have a pretty positive self-concept but there's always things one can improve on. Little things that make a make a good person great. Like right now I'm trying to work on developing a deeper spiritual life because life in general, but especially my spiritual life, has been a roller coaster in college. I always stay close to my faith and always stick to my morals, values and beliefs but I want to be more active in applying these things to my life. A friend of mine was the one who told me of the roller coaster analogy and the biggest part of it is that "when you're at the bottom you have to remember how it feels at the top and when you're at the top you have to remember how it feels at the bottom." This has definitly helped me perservere in a few situations lately.

After talking about and reflecting on improving one's self-concept, one of the comments at the end of class was about the "cup theory": if both people in a relationship are only half full, then you will spend all of your time trying to fill each other up, but one of you will always be empty!

I think this definitly directly relates to self-concept. It shows that when you are single you NEED to work on bettering yourself so that when you do meet "the one" you are both ready to give your whole selves to the other while still being full yourself. And relationships aren't the only thing the cup theory can apply to. I know from personal experience. Last year I was a Bible study leader and this year I'm not. I would have loved to continue to lead my group of girls in growing in their faith but I figured out that I was pouring myself into these young women and trying to help them grow in, deepen and strengthen their faith and get excited about it, so much that I wasn't spending enough time continually filling myself so that I could pour out to the girls in my study. I was channeling out all that I had so much that my personal basin was running dry.

This class is teaching me so much about the basic things and structures in my life and I am really enjoying it because of that fact:)

My family roles

My family has rather destinct roles. We are composed of Mother, Father and four sisters. My parents are still married. My parents have somewhat stereotypical roles. My mother makes supper and ran a daycare from our house when we were young and my father would work 8 to 5 every weekday. With everyone moved out of the house now, both my parents work full time jobs. My dad is very caring and compashionate. I'm the youngest child, and I am treated like it. All my sisters look out for me constantly. Even though I am 20, I will always be the baby. I get away with alot more than my other sisters did. My family has two middle children, Katie and Jeri. They are both emotional and very connected to my mother. My oldest sister, Angie is more connected to my father. Angie is the protector. She looks over everyone and makes sure we are all informed on the the news of the family. Jeri is the affectionate one. She gives the most hugs and always says "I love you" before we get off the phone. Katie is troubled and emotional. She is moody but still very affectionate. If anyone is likely to get upset on vacation, it's her. I'm the baby and the comic. My family has many inside jokes and I fuel them. We are a rather sarcastic family, but that works for us. Now you know my family structure and roles.

Juvenile

This is rather personal, my family is very close and mean a lot to me, but I will share because this is important. My little brother is 13 years old. He has been my "little baby" because he's seven years younger than me and I mostly helped raise him growing up. He has grown up so much in the past few years when he went to middle school and now is taller than me! I'm not very tall so that's not saying much for him but still, it is crazy. He's been a wonderful brother and son, going to church with the family, never talking back to my parents, always being helpful and nice to others, etc. Since he's been in 8th grade things have taken a 180. He has been getting bad grades all year. My parents have never gone through any of this with my sister or I and therefore do not know how to handle my brother. They have done everything in their power to help him and work with him in school. I thought my parents were doing a wonderful job understanding him and not coming down too hard on him but also giving fair reasonable punishments. His grades started improving and he made it look like he was doing good in classes and everything. I came home from class today and soon after my brother and mom walked in the door. They both looked really upset. I then found out my brother had tried to shoplift at a store with his friend. My world just tumbled around me. I was so disappointed in my brother. I thought that I had a good relationship with him and that I knew mostly everything about him. Today I realized things are changing and I don't know him as well as I used to. I don't know why he did it, he didn't say why really, just said he did it for the "rush". I guess I wanted to share this because a lot of what we are learning in our class, can be applied to some of us every day with our families and lives. I was able to help my parents communicate with my brother today and I think it went fairly well. I am excited to learn more about rebellion and families and developement.

Starbucks Quotes!

Hey you guys! So, I totally read this quote on my tea at starbucks the other day and it said, "Success in families is measured by how much the children want to return home after they leave." (it is actually kinda different but I already mailed it to my parents!) but I just thought it was neat leaving this class and then getting what our society determines as success and how these messages affect others. And as I thought about it, I really like that. It does show the type and strength of a relationship a person has with their parents by them wanting to be with them and around them! Now, it does focus more on the relationship rather than other parts of success (like the other strengths on families we've discussed in class) but it is good in thinking about the relationship with the parents. I mailed it to my parents because I love them so much and love being around them. And my parents give and serve all 5 of us kids so much, and just for them to know that they really impacting us I pray is encouragement! Let me know if yall get any cool quotes like that too!

Sean's blog #6

Wow I hope everyone did ok on the exam. Including myself! Have a great day, mine is as crazy as ever. Sean.

Model Stats

Last week when Dr. Hollist showed us the article about the average size of models I thought it was very interesting. I was in 4-H for 12 years and sewed a lot of clothes and I found it interesting and bothersome that when I was choosing what size of pattern to cut out it was always like 4 sizes larger than what I wear in store-bought clothing! I'm sure I thought of it before, but this article made me realize that all the clothing patterns are still made for super model sizes, not for the average person, even though the patterns are primarily sold to your average Joe and Jane. I'll admit that after taking my measurements and looking at the back of the pattern to see what size to cut out and seeing numbers 4 sizes bigger than normal had an impact on how I viewed my body. This could be an interesting topic for a research paper - how DO they determine sizing on patterns. Hmmm, I might have to look into that:)

Ethnicity/Race

I also think it is interesting how classes run together. This semester I am taking Sociology Race and Nationality and I think it's interesting that we talked about race and ethnicity in our class the other day. I find race and ethnicity to be very dynamic in the ways it changes and grows across the world and especially the US. Hollist said that 3 in 10 Americans are now minorities! In the next few decades I've read that the US is going to be minority majority. I find this really interesting because it really does effect everyone. This really effects families. More and more families today are diverse. Either diverse because of adoption, marriage, or multi racial children. As we talked about in class, this effects traditions and religion and other things related to culture. I would love to interview a family with mutli racial family members or a family member who is of a different race but in the family. It would be very cool to see how the family functions.

Midlife!

Our class discussion made me wonder about where I will be in my midlife. I could see how people get into routines in their midlife. Sometimes I feel like I have a routine and I'm only 20! My parents are in their midlife and I can tell when they are trying to break their routines. They take a trip to Mexico at least, every other year and my dad enjoys to hunt and fish as much as possible. However, a majority of their nights are filled with eating supper, watching t.v. or a movie and heading to bed around 10. My mother has told me how her and my father are getting along better now, than they have in years. So that shows communication does get better with time. I think midlife will be filled with its fair share of problems, but can prove to be one of the fulfilling stages of life.

Sean's blog #5

Hi just a quick note to let everyone know how bad I did on my CYAF 271 test. I better get busy or I will do bad on tommorrows test! Wishing everyone a great test! Just keep your fingers crossed for me too! Bye, Sean

Gender Roles

I really enjoyed last Thursday's discussion on Gender Roles and how different media influences our lives. As I watch TV or flip through a magazine, I cannot go 10 minutes without running into some sort of sexually related image. I feel that today's media is corrupting our society and future generations. Young boys are getting the message that treating women wrongfully is okay and little girls are being told that they need to look "model" quality all the time otherwise no one will love them.
There is also so much profanity on television and in newly release movies. Children should not be exposed to these types of media until they are older. For example, when I was younger, I rode a bus route to school with some rough neighborhood kids. I was around cuss words and vulgar behavior for so long, that it became apart of me and happens to slip out in everyday conversation. If I had the power to choose which bus route I could have ridden back then, I would have switched to a different one to avoid almost everything I was exposed to. There are just somethings children should not know until they are older.
But anywho, what ever happened to good, wholesome shows such as the Brady Bunch and Full House? In my opinion, I feel that our society has lost touch with the old family values and believe that reality television game shows are how people should act.

Culture Shock

In America it is amazing to see how many cultures there are out there and how many different styles of families there are. Each function in their own unique way, a lot of that I feel has to do with culture. In class we talked about how culture can influence the values and way a family lives. My boyfriend is a political refugee from Cuba. He came here when he was 5 years old with his mom, dad, and grandparents. He left behind another set of grandparents, two much older sisters, aunts, uncles, and friends. When they arrived they had $100 dollars and didn't know much English. Now they seem to be a perfectly normal American family. They are doing very well for themselves, have great jobs, and speak almost perfect English. At the same time though, his family is very different than mine. They emphasize spending time together and spend time with a lot of family and friends, very often. When they all get together they cook a lot of amazing food and just sit around and talk. When I say often I mean it, usually once a week or more. They are a very close family. His grandparents are always over at his house and the little other family that they have is over very often also. My family is not like that. Me, my parents, and my brother always spent a lot of time together and we always ate meals together all of that good stuff. But, I only see my grandparents and extended family for special occasions such as some birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays. I couldn't believe how close this family was. I love my family, every member, even my extended family but they are not a huge factor in my life. I told him how surprised I was a the closeness in his family and he said it is like that in Cuba. He said when he lived in Cuba he lived in a big house with his aunt grandma and parents, and that is the norm. In America it seems so different, at least where I am from.

Impact in different cultures!

So last class was so interesting and made me think so much like yall said too!! something that really got my attention is how we can't categorize everyone the same and generalize other cultures or even individuals in the same culture. Then I got to thinkin about how I desire to share the gospel of Christ and love on people in different countries, and make an impact, but just how will that look? Everyone is so different and the way people even see love is so different! And sometimes I talk about how I desire to make changes in countries, but it's not right to have my culture or society as that base, or one to compare to, but rather taking different principals and molding it in to how it fits with them, if that makes sense. So, in other words, this last class really got me thinking about how to build bridges with other people and really getting to know them, their heart, their processes, their function, and then from there, making an actual impact and being able to effectively and efficiently connect with others.

overlapping material in 3 classes!

I have really begun to realize, and enjoy, the fact that materials we have been covering in three of my classes this semester are overlapping. The three classes are Family Science, Intro. to Women and Gender and Intro. to Anthropology. The biggest similarity lately has been talking about race.

We watched a film in anthropology last week called "Understanding Race." The film was split into sections saying what race "is." Race is conflict. Race is history. Race is racism. Race is convenient. Race is engrained. Race is funny. Race is taboo. Race is extraordinary. Race is poetry. Those were all of the topics and they all had great points, stories and interviews. It showed that race is definitly a socially constructed term, as we have been discussing in our Family Science class. The term "race" truly does encompass a lot of characteristics.

On Tuesday, in class, we discussed some statistics that were divided by race such as graduation rate, poverty, and annual income. We also discussed how they may not be completely accurate because the specified races, African American, Asian American and Latino in particular, encompass so many different countries and traditions that are not even close! But yet they lump them all together for census and statistics sake. Then, just yesterday in my intro. to women and gender class we had just finished discussing a reading on classism and then our teacher brought up some slides with basically the exact information we had gone over in family science: statistics on graduation rates, annual income, etc. based on race - which were lumped together into the categories of African American, Asian American, Hispanic, etc. I was so tempted to raise my hand and make a comment on how those "races" encompass so many different kind of people, but it was right at the end of class so I held back. Race isn't the only topic that has overlapped in these three classes but it is currently the most relevant.

All this discussion about race has made me more conscious of it in my own life. I have been more aware lately of how our campus is overwhelmingly white and I have been aware of how I act and how I feel when people of another race or skin color are around. For once I am actually learning and applying something in college...just kidding:) But, really, I am so glad that these classes are all overlapping and they are overlapping in topics that I can actually relate to and apply to my life.

Discussion 2/10

I thought that todays discussion was really interesting. It really hit home for me when we watched the movie at the beginning of class. I have four little sisters that are adopted two of which are black. Like we talked about, they possibly wouldn't be able to attend the same schools as their sisters. My little sisters are both mixed race although they are considered "black". The youngest is black and white but has all of the black qualities. The other sister is black and hispanic. She is much lighter than the other. The girls have both grown up in our home which is white and have developed a lot. The youngest is 5 right now and we educate them on their black background, but she has decided that she is "brown" not "black" because she has seen others that are darker in color then she is. She knows she's not white but she also knows she's not white. I don't think it's hard for her, but she just makes it clear to everyone since she is very outspoken what she thinks. She often says "I'm not black I'm brown!"

Family Life

I have a similar life right now to Sean's. I moved out after I graduated, and lived in the dorms my freshman year, then moved in with a friend for a year. Last fall I had to move home unexpectedly because of Bed Bugs in our house. I live with my two parents who love me, and I love them, but sometimes we just don't get along. We bump heads in different ways than we did in high school. Although my brother is 7 years younger than I am and is still in middle school, I feel like I get in the way of their life. My sister had moved home a little bit before me too, so it's been a weird mix of family back at the house. It's hard being independent then moving back into your parents'. They treat me like I'm 15 still. I want to be a good daughter and be home to spend time with them, but it is just too hard. I want to be independent and live my life I was living before I had to move back home.
My genogram is not as detailed and crazy as a lot of others I am sure of that. It is very...blah. My family is boring I think!

Ultimate Fighting

So I'm going to take us back in time to our class about structure vs. function and content vs. process.To refresh, the function, or dynamics, of families or any sort of relationship is more important than who is involved,the structure, when looking at the 'what' factor. On the other hand the process, how the interaction is taking place, is more important than the content, what the interaction is about when looking at the 'how' of relationships. Now, why am I blogging about this?...because this class gave me an entirely new perspective about what is important in any sort of relationship (and actually helped me get through this week).
I've been in a relationship where the past few months have consisted of arguing...a lot. I've come to realize that my boyfriend and I are both just stubborn and sometimes we clash. That's not the problem. In reality the problem is the process, or how we go about doing it.
The fights are usually all the same-besides the content.They start with the source-whatever it is that we're arguing about. Then we go back and forth with our sides. Which is the problem. What I've noticed is we don't let each other express their feelings without talking over, running on with our side, or blaming the other one. Some of our fights have consisted of hanging up, raising our voices, and even walking out. I know people have different ways of expressing their feelings and arguing but what I realized was that those interactions are what cause the next step to occur-digging us deeper.
What I did last time we fought was call us both out and explain to him what I learned in class. I told him exactly what I just wrote and even what Dr.Hollist talked about. It made us both think about what we were doing instead of what we were fighting about. Since then when we disagree about something we have been better about letting each other talk and working it out civilly. Just surfacing the things that are so obvious but still hidden by the content of arguments helped us out so much it's amazing. I would suggest to everyone to take a step back from the argument or situation and bring up how you can fix the process because you never know what it can change.

Sean's blog #4

Hi everyone! I just finished my family genogram and I feel like it is not enough. My brothers are quite a bit older than me and we don't communicate and have not for years (excluding Christmas). This is just the way things in my family work (the way I see it). My parents are both retired and while I live with them since my divorce, I wouldn't say I communicate very well with them. I know that they love me but I feel that it is easier to keep them at bay with what is going on in my life. I feel as the only divorced son and living at home that I need to stay focused on re-educating myself so that I can get a career going and be out of their hair. This way they will be able to enjoy their retirement years and everyone will be happy.

Real Role?

Hey yall! So, after one of our lectures about roles, I kinda got to thinkin about how roles can be switched around different people, different groups, and different situations. Like, my role at home with 4 hilarious brothers is more of a listener, encourager, somethin like that. Then, when I'm at school and on the soccer field, I'm focused differently, laugh and joke constantly, and I have a role in leadership and spiritual leadership,and that's how people see me.

But, have yall thought, what determines your roles? Do you choose or is it just how others see you that defines where you fit? And, have you ever examined your motive behind why you are a particular role? Like, sometimes I don't say much with my brothers because I'm not so close to them and, honestly, I get afraid sometimes. They can be so critical. But that's not who I am and that's not a good motive, so in a way, I'm not letting my brothers see me as I really am, and I have some things to work on for myself. That's just one instance. But have yall ever noticed that? I think many people have inconsistant identites and don't even realize it or realize the motives and reasons why. But I know a way to have a consistant, healthy identity, but shoot it takes work. It'd be cool to hear what yall think!

My Family

Listening to the lecture on strong families, it was interesting to see how my family fit into all the characteristics. I have always believed I have a good solid strong family and I still do. We may not be the Brady Bunch or seem like the picture perfect happy family, but we are our own perfect. I have one older brother and two loving parents. It has always been just the four of us and we are very close. My parents have been married for 25 years and although they have had their arguments they never fought them out in front of us kids. They work very hard to support me and my brother and give us nice things and help us pay for our education. But whenever me or my brother had a game or something important, they would always take of work to be there to support us. We aren't an over affectionate family. But like the lecture said, we are frequent and simple in our affection and appreciation showing. My family of four has not faced many devastating hardships out of the ordinary but have come across many common trials that families face. There have been deaths in the family, loss of a job, and so forth. We have always stuck together and helped each other through it. My parents are always there to talk to and help me out if I have a problem or if life is just plain overwhelming at the moment. They do whatever they can to help us kids. Now days, we don't get to see each other a lot but when we do, we sped quality time and I always walk away feeling grateful for my family. We have our issues just as any normal family. But we are quick to talk to it and forgive others. We also all share the same faith and that has helped us through a lot of difficult times. I believe my family has shaped be to be a caring, strong, hardworking person. I would not be who and where I am today if it weren't for every member of my family. I hope to have a strong family just like mine when I am married and have kids someday. I can't wait to share the same values and all the love my parents gave to me. I feel like I am a secure person and I can depend on myself for many things, but if i ever need help my family will always be there.

Boundaries and Homeostasis

I have been blessed with parents who are not too terribly overwhelming. They are pretty trustworthy of me and treat me like an adult, since I am one:) However, some of my friends have parents that are just not really willing to let their children grow up or are a bit overly controlling. I think the stories I have to tell have to do with both homeostasis, the tendency of a family to resist change, and boundaries, regulations that govern who participates in the interaction and how or when the interaction takes place. For example, my friend Sue's (name has been changed for privacy's sake) home is about a 40 minute drive from Lincoln. She lives on campus and works in Lincoln but when she does go home her parents are very controlling and don't let her have a lot of freedom. For example, over Christmas break she came in to Lincoln to work one afternoon and then one of her friend's called her to come hang out with them and go get a drink or something. Sue, as a responsible young woman, called her parents to tell them that she was going to stay in Lincoln awhile longer and hang out with so-and-so. Her parents, well, particularly her mom, got all upset and said "If you don't come home right now we're going to stop helping you pay for school. You need to come home and spend time with the family." The sad thing is, is that her parents use this "scare-tactic" every time, and she's not sure if they really would act on their word but she obeys every time and comes home - steaming. So her parents setting these boundaries really isn't helping at all because it actually puts a boundary between her and her parents. They get angry at each other and are not able to communicate effectively, which is a key component of a strong family. I think part of the reason Sue's parents are reacting like this is because things are different compared to when they were Sue's age (21) and they think things should be the same as when they grew up. They are resisting the changes of the times heavily, but it's hurting their family. I could tell many more stories of friends with families who have a strong sense of homeostasis, but I think this blog is long enough. Until, next time...

My Genogram

I have already begun my research for my genogram. The first person I called was my Dad. I am least familiar with his side of the family. I learned the birth order of his sibling and which one had kids. My dad's side has a lot more physical illnesses than my mother's family. This has already been a huge learning experience for me. I talked to my dad about his family more in a day than I have in probably my whole life. They all live in other states, so we have lost touch. This assignment is making everyone dig deeper into their family history and discover things they likely didn't know. This assignment is also forcing us to communicate with our family members about things that could be uncomfortable. We have to ask about things like drug and alcohol abuse, divorces, bad family ties and many other things. Being force to ask these questions helps everyone develop a better understanding of our families, and why we are the way we are. 

Genograms

I really enjoyed Tuesday's lecture on genograms. It was fun listening to how each person's family is unique in their own way. Some, like mine, can be very simple to others who have complex families. However, as I was sitting in class, I started to do a rough sketch of my own family's genogram. Drawing out each relative was pretty easy until I started to think of the relationships each person had with oneanother. Eventhough my genogram may seem normal structual wise, once I started to add in relationships, it started to get pretty complicated. My father's sister has basically cut off ties with our family entire family except for my father's sister-in-law. My mom and her sister are really close and keep close ties with my grandmother. My mom's sister-in-law and her do not get along with each other and the list just grows on from there. I am really looking forward to completing the rest of my genogram to learn more about my family then I ever would have.

Function and Process

After our lecture last Thursday, I can't stop watching my family and how they function and process. I would say that my family is fairly strong and close but we have little quirks I guess you could call them. Actually I think the way Prof Hollist described it was places to "grow". Here's a small taste of how my family functions. My sister has been dating this guy for a few months now, and no one in our family really thought they were going to last, and of course my parents let her know that they didn't think he was right for her. They broke up last weekend and I was the first to know. Oh ya, my whole family lives together still, my sister and I moved back in after a couple years living on our own. When something in my family happens like my sister breaking up with her boyfriend, we don't really discuss it. We just go on discussing it with each other but not as a whole family. My parents ask me questions about my sister and don't confront my sister. Communication is really a place where we our family can grow.

Sean's blog #3

Hey everyone! I know that we are only on blog #3 as a class, but I jumped the gun and posted my first one a week before it was due. Then I posted another one by the due date. So I am going to post this one today and it will be my third, while the rest of you, if your following along with class should only have two. Call me an overachiever I guess! Or a class pet....... Your choice.

Anyway, I am finding a lot of similarities with this class and the ed psch. class I took last spring. Also there are a lot of similarities between this class and my CYAF 271 class. I'm thinking this is a good thing, because I need a lot of grinding to get anything through this thick head of mine.

Anyway I have to go now and I am still one blog up (does that mean that I get a free week ya suppose?).