Thursday, March 26, 2009
Control Freaks
Class on tuesday was really interesting and gave a lot of insight in to not only marriage relationships, but any relationship. One of the big things that underlines the decision making is one person wanting to gain control, they want to win, it's about competing. If only us humans wouldn't allow pride to take over our lives and submit to eachother, the focus would be on building eachother up instead of trying to build yourself up and pushing the other person down. Being humble also frees both people from being manipulated by eachother to get something out of the other person. I've noticed times in my life where I will be talking with my parents or even friends and instead of letting go and admitting I'm wrong or don't know, the conversation turns to an argument in me wanting to gain control and still sound credible and not humiliated. I've seen this sometimes in my family. My mom is more apt to have to be right, and so instead of admitting something wrong to my dad or a mistake, she will work so hard to be right when nothing about the problem is being solved, or it has already been answered. When couples try not to gain control it not only solves the actual problem or decision, but it also frees eachother of the stress or having to argue and work at being right.
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Your post is so true. A lot of arguments in relationships turn into power struggles and lose focus of the real problem at hand. When someone always has to win it becomes exausting, and usually nothing gets truely resolved and therefore is brought up in the arguements following. I was in a relationship for two years, we were very serious about eachother. A lot of stress was put on our relationship and we began to argue, a lot. The arguments became power struggles and each time we would lose a little bit more respect for eachother. I wish we could have stepped back and looked at the real issue at hand instead of letting our pride get in the way because it ruined our relationship. Compromise and hearing the other person out with patients and respect, in my opinion, is the best way to solve an argument with anyone. Who cares who has control and who wins? Solving the problem at hand is the most important thing.
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