Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Communication
I really enjoyed today's class over communication. It happened to be pretty appropriate timing because I had just been arguing about the stuff we talked about with my boyfriend before class. As soon as we started talking about the gender roles I had to smile because either God is funny or it was complete coincidence. Although the characteristics of each gender were solely patterns, I have seen them to be nothing but true. I am the connection and relationship oriented and affiliative type and at times I can be the solution oriented type. I see that with my mom, my sister, and my girl friends too. We are out to 'feel good'. Whether it be about ourselves or pleasing others, we try our best to connect, create bonds, and relate to other people. My dad, boyfriend, and guy friends are all the opposite. That doesn't mean they can't have relationships or be sympathetic, they just tend to be more action/solution searching and have that competitive side. I think this is where a lot of the misunderstanding and butting heads comes in. Because I communicate more from my heart, I look for that from my boyfriend-and because he communicates more with his head, he looks for that in me. Neither one of us has taken the time to think-well that's just how it is and that's okay. We both think that one side is better, just like in the Raymond clip, and that's how it should be. I think this discussion opened my mind, especially hearing it from a male, to see that either way is just how it is, just like other ways we are different, we have to accept the differentiating communication.
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I totally agree with you. Just last night, my boyfriend and I started talking about some of the problems we had been having and been putting off just because its easier to do that than to communicate. The arguement was about how things had changed... When we first started talking, I had just lost a close friend to suicide and he was the only one there for me, and he was living in oklahoma at the time so our whole relationship was based off of our ability to communicate effectively. Up until recently, that is what our relationship consisted of, phone conversations, along with the couple times I had went down to visit him. About a month ago, he moved here with me, and it seems as though now that he is here, he feels like he doesn't have to tell me how he feels about me anymore or show emotion as much. I, of course, am the relationship oriented as well, want to know feelings and thoughts, and he just wants to address the problem, solve it, and move on. Sometimes this frustrates me because I want to dig into the problem and make sure he knows how it makes me feel, and I want to know how he feels, but I just have to accept that we communicate differently and I can't change him. We just have to make the best of it and come to a middle ground and accept the differences in our communication styles.
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