I have a relationship in my life that came to mind as Dr. Hollist spoke about Attachment Theory on Tuesday. This person had a twin sister and a brother and another older sister. As they were growing up, the brother sexually assaulted his twin sisters, one of which became pregnant. Being from a small community her parents just had the impregnated twin get an abortion. Nothing was said to anyone. No counseling, no legal ramifications. After all they were a well respected family in their community.
While the twins grew into beautiful women, the raped child lead a life of drugged rebellon engaging in by leading a party style life. The other twin married and had 3 beautiful children which she raised with a husband to be (so far as we know) healthy in both emotionally and physically.
Soon the twin that was leading a fairly radical insane life was diagnosed with cancer and died. The other twin (who had been leading such the opposite life style than her sister), soon started having affairs which eventually lead to the divorce of her first husband and the affair ended as well.
Over time this twin still living reconciled with her husband and they decided to get remarried, maybe for the children's sake? Soon after being a at home housemother all her kids were grown. She took on a job with a small company, that had few employees. She immediately attached herself to one of the men and started an affair with him. This really made her husband mad! He divorced her again.
This latest man was a shy 52 year old virgin, which she liked. The affair would last 7 years, until she changed jobs and met a new man that would satisfy her sense of self esteem, but not her emotional or other needs.
He was also 52 years old and held a top position with a public institution that paid him well. He also going through a divorce and he was a player, going from woman to woman. The surviving twin was one of his women, she instantly feel in love. She went home to tell her parents and when she returned she found him with another woman.
I think that there are some attachment issues in this blog. Is it the fact that she was raped by a brother? Is it that she was a twin being raped? Was it the fact that her sister got pregnant and aborted a fetus? Maybe it was a guilt that her sister died after leading such a rebellious life? Was the sister the way she was because she was raped? Has this left this woman wanting to hurt the men in her life emotionally? There are so many questions I would love to hear some responses. Thanks, Sean
2 comments:
Hey Sean! Thanks for being so open about this situation and really caring about people's lives. There are a few things I thought of while reading.
First, the girl who had been raped, there are so many effects that can happen to a person who has been through that and a victim of something that can produce so much shame, guilt, extinguishing self-worth, and being confused about who to trust, and so much more! I think a lot of that can be contributers to her rebellion lifestyle. I mean, as humans, we want love, we want to be able to trust, we want to trust others, but the example in her life has skewed her and in a way blinded her from seeing the truth and seeing love. And, also a lot of times with people who have been victims face a kind of anger and hate that gets harvested resulting in rebellion. And not to throw beliefs on everyone, but in times like this anger and hate also gets pushed on God and there becomes this battle and refusal to love and accept love. Now, not every person is the same and no matter the severety, being a victim is painful and damaging and can blind the eyes and hearts of many!
Also, as I was reading something else came to my mind. We are all born with a type of hole in our heart. Not a physical hole, but a hole of emptyness and a desire for love. We all want it. We all search for it. And no matter how hard we try, we never feel fully satisfied. So we keep searching. We try to find it in people, pleasure, comfort, and different hobbies, food, and endless things. And I think part of the one twin's heart is she's searching to be filled and loved. This brings me to think, how was that shown to her growing up? Friends? Family? Situations? But, the way to have your heart filled is with a true satisfying love that can only come from Christ. And without it, we are all in our own ways searching and never content. And seeing her sister's life and her death may have an impact to how she's precieved love while growing up and has kept her from seeing that she doesn't need to keep searching. But my heart hurts for her and for this family because there is a love out there that doesn't cheat, hide, run, but fills and heals! Please keep me updated and other questions you have and how this family is doing! I hope this helps! Anna
Thanks Anna!
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